Staying with Sir J - final thoughts

A few more random thoughts and then I'll shut up about it, I swear!

I've had a bad couple of days since I came back from London, only now I'm starting to feel better. Withdrawal symptoms :) I can have this after a good session, but now I had a great 9-day session, so obviously the 'downtime' as I call it was a lot longer. Worth it, of course.

I've been saying a lot of positive things, but I've had some bad moments - even though they never lasted long, and they all had to do with my own mindset rather than anything Sir J did.
In the first couple of days, I sometimes woke up thinking "What am I doing here? I'm in the House of Pain, getting beaten and humiliated - is this what I want?" But then I touched the chain around my neck, and felt the chastity device, thinking about Sir J calling me a "good boy"... yeah, this is what I want.

I actually didn't really enjoy my daily before-bed-beating at first, but after a couple of days I wanted it, and in the last few days I was looking forward to it so much that it was one of the first things on my mind when I woke up. "It's only morning? Aww, I wish it was bedtime already so I can get my beating!"
I think it was a very good idea to have some daily rituals like that. Boys need some structure in their life :)

Another thing that took me some time to get used to was H using me. He is a nice guy and very submissive to Sir J, so when he started to dom me, I was a bit confused, and I must admit for a microsecond I thought he was 'mean' to me because he didn't like me. Very silly of me. The second time he used me, I really enjoyed it (and it was so cute when he called me 'good boy' afterwards haha). He has 'threatened' to fuck me as well, and IF I get invited again, I'm not sure if I'll put up much resistance...

One of the many things I tried for the first time was being pissed on. For me, it's easily one of the most humiliating and degrading things I can think of, so I wasn't sure if I would like it. Well, the verdict (for now) is: I definitely didn't hate it, but I also didn't love it. I would do it again, but it's not something I would put on my wishlist for a good session. Psychologically, it's something very powerful, and it worked with Sir J and H (and I definitely would like to do it again with them), but I'm not sure it would work with a random dom.

About the whole 'straight' thing: I did a long talk about my sexuality last month, so I'm not going to repeat everything here. I'm obviously not straight, but I'm also not gay in the 'tradtional' sense, I think I'm more asexual than either of those (and 'biromantic', for what that's worth). The 'straight' fantasy that we kept up was actually a good way of dealing with this. Of course I don't get hard when I see two guys fucking...I'm straight!! Yeah, it's an easy excuse of sorts. Still, we had fun with it. Well, I had fun saying "I'm not doing that...I'm straight!" every so often.

Okay, that's all I think.