March 14, 2011

4th week

As the readers on Locked 'n' Denied can see, I took away my "locked until" sidebar thingy.

I've been thinking about it for the past week, and I really don't want to cum again. Maybe it's "chastity euphoria" (think space dementia, only related to chastity - and a very positive feeling), but really...I'm feeling really good about not cumming, and I fear that if I cum, I'll go back to my old regime of masturbating almost every day. I really don't want that, it just seems so stupid.
I think the only exception to the "no cumming" rule is when a Master wants me to cum - but even then, I'd consider it the worst possible punishment he could give me.
What I'm saying here is probably hard to believe for some people, but really, I mean it. It's not some fantasy, it's how I really feel right now.

I also have to mention again how much support I get from Master Phil. Today I made a third ball spanking video for him, and I really loved doing it, because I know he loves seeing the vids. And it makes me so happy when he calls me a "good boy" - today he even said he was proud of me, which really meant a lot to me. Master Phil was also the one who told me I should be permanently denied, something I wasn't sure I agreed on at first, but as always, he knows what's best for me, even if it takes me a bit longer to realise he's right.

MasterP and another Master recommended me to make a profile on Don't know if anyone else who reads this is a member there, but I quite like it (more than recon anyway), especially since you can send unlimited messages to each other.
What I didn't expect was how much reaction I'd get. I only made a very simple profile, just stating that I'm a bdsm beginner and that I'm looking for a Master to train me to be a good slave. I didn't even put up a picture. I registered last monday, and since then I had 9 (nine!) Masters contacting me, offering to train me. I'm seeing two of those next week, probably another 2 the week after that, at least 1 more early next month, and uhh, yeah. There are only about 2 that live relatively close to me, the rest is too far away to really have regular sessions. Anyway, we'll see how it goes. I'm seeing a Master on tuesday, and apparently he's really good - especially for beginners. I read some interesting things clicking through all the "references" comments, too many good things to mention here. Anyway, we're only going to have a short session on tuesday. Pretty nervous about it. Actually knowing that he has an entire "stable" of slaves makes me even more nervous, what if I'm not good enough for him? I know I shouldn't think that, but that's just me.

Then I'm going to see another Master on friday or sunday. He doesn't have a slave stable or anything heh, but we've been messaging and he seems to be a nice guy. He's really into cum control and chastity (he has a cb6000), so later on he might become my keyholder. But that's definitely not for the near future.

Oh, and I had one sort of negative experience on One (apparently fairly respected) Master wanted to train me, but he lives in another country (well, about 4 hours away I guess) and I told him that was too far for me. He replied, saying something about how he trains boys from my region, so that it obviously isn't too far, and how I'll never find a local, reliable Master with a playroom like his (true, he has an extremely impressive playroom - but it's not about the tools, it's how you use them!) and something about how I've been looking for a Master for months (huh? he sent that message on the day I registered on that site!). Really, it was a bit confusing. My first reaction was to send a very polite reply, but then I decided not to waste my time on him. His message reminds me of telemarketers, and how they react when you say no. It didn't really surprise me to read on his profile that he asks a "small contribution" for the use of his playroom. Yeah, to be honest, I'd love to visit his playroom, but not with him around. I don't react well to messages like the one he sent me.

Lastly, today I squirted out a good amount of cum while peeing again. Last time I did that was monday I think, so I seem to have a sort of weekly schedule, which is nice. I did feel rather "full" in the past couple of days, so I'm happy I got some boyjuice out.

That's it for now. I'll update again when I get back from my bondage session on tuesday!

March 8, 2011

third week

I hadn't even realised I'm well over halfway my lock-up period, and broke my previous record about a week ago.

Still haven't had a session with MasterP, and the two other Masters I contacted are only available on Saturday. The only free Saturday I have this one is the 26th. Sigh.

It hasn't been a boring week at all though - I've been so submissive in the past week, I hardly believe it myself. I have Master Phil to thank for this, he's really dominating me in a way I previously thought would be impossible. I've sort of tried to be dominated online, but that just didn't work out for me. Those "masters" had no idea how to handle me. I expect a Master to, you know, dominate me, but I always turned out to be more dominant than them!! Not so with Master Phil. Even though we started writing messages in a casual way, at some point I just couldn't continue our conversation without calling him "Sir". His hold on me only tightened from then on.

He's the reason why I've been wearing my cb2000 with spikes for over a week now, why I made a spreadsheet with offences (and desired punishments - it's already quite long!), why I ordered Deep Heat off the internet (the UK version of Bengay - he wants me to rub it on my balls and make a video of it). Also, he made me do something I found extremely humiliating (so humiliating, I've long thought of not mentioning it here, but I have to be honest): I had to make a video of me spanking my balls, and send it to him. Now, if someone told me to do this 3 weeks ago, I would've told him to get lost. Or told him "no, YOU send ME a video of you spanking YOUR balls!!". But, right after we finished our conversation on msn, I went upstairs to the bathroom (I wasn't even at home - I was staying at my dad's house), stripped, turned on my camera and started spanking. Just like that.

Now I know a lot of boys wouldn't make a big deal out of that, but...I still have some of my pride. I know I shouldn't, and I really hope Master Phil or another Master will teach me to get rid of that pride, but I know that's going to take quite a while.

Another thing is that I'd love to serve Master Phil in real life, but there's quite some distance between us. I'm sure we could meet up for a weekend every month or two, but it would just be very frustrating because I have to leave every time after such a short stay. It's really annoying, I get the feeling Master Phil and me are very compatible (although he's more sadistic than I am masochistic - but that's probably the way it should be), so it's really annoying I can't serve him properly (I'd really love to be his houseboy/slave 24/7). I hope I can find a local Master I'm just as compatible with, but even if I do, I'll definitely never forget what Master Phil did for me.

As I said, I now wear the spikes with my cb2000 all the time, including when I sleep. It makes me aware of every attempted erection I have, especially at night. In the past week I already woke up 2 times because I was trying to get hard due to an erotic dream I had. I had the first dream right after my last blog post, so the night after I thought of chatting up shop boy. Most of the dream is a blur, but at some point me and a guy I had a crush on started kissing (tongue and all), and I started rubbing my hands over his chest, and played with his nipples.

The second dream was more like watching a movie: it was about a boy who moved to a university in another country. As part of some kind of initiation ritual, his classmates stripped him, tied him up, shaved his groin, and put a chastity device on him (which he would wear for his entire stay at this uni), and all the while he was being spanked. At first the boy was quite mad about getting treated like this, but he quickly realised that being in chastity just felt right.
The second dream is probably based on some chastity fiction story I read ages ago, I suppose it's a pretty normal dream to have (well, as a locked boy I mean). Master Phil made me realise the first dream is a bad dream; there was no element of submission, I was actually the active one in it.
I haven't had a dream since, but I'll definitely post them here if I get another one.

Lastly, has anyone seen this: That would be the perfect device for me!

March 2, 2011


First of all, MasterP contacted me late last night, to see if I was available for a bondage session today. He did say that he might get called up for work, but we should try to meet up anyway. So, this morning, I texted him, and guess what? He got called up for work. Grr. I was really looking forward to getting my bottom spanked, along with some nipple torture. I was (still am I guess) in a very masochistic mood.

Then, for the "highlight" of the day:
Earlier today, when I took a piss, something happened. First there was a stream of normal piss, and then a second stream. I wouldn't have paid any attention to that normally, but I was looking down when the second stream started, and it was clear that this stream wasn't piss. It came out in one clean stream, yes, but it was thicker and, well, shinier. I scooped up a bit that was hanging on my cage, and yep: it was cum. I inspected the toilet bowl closer, and there was a thick stream of cum floating in the water.
Funny thing is, the same thing happened last week, but I was at uni then and didn't even think that the second stream might've been anything other than piss. Because, really, I didn't feel a thing. It just feels like pissing.

I think this is also interesting in a scientific/psychological way. It's now obvious my body doesn't NEED to orgasm to release cum. In other words, there's no physical need for me to masturbate or to orgasm, since my body would release those fluids anyway. In theory, this means I could stay chaste for the rest of my life, and still be healthy. It also means that whenever I feel the need to masturbate, it's a purely psychological thing. You know how they say that your brain is actually your biggest sexual organ? I've always agreed with that, and now I have another reason to believe it.
And lastly, I think it's another step towards feeling like a true locked and denied boy. Now even my body understands and accepts that I'm not going to orgasm anytime soon.

And in other "horny but chaste" adventures:

- there was a cute (and obviously gay - yes I have "gaydar" and I'm not afraid to use it!) young guy working at the register in one of the shops I went to. It was probably (okay, definitely) my imagination, but I swear his face lit up when he saw me. I was -this- close to saying something like "so...what do you do after work?" but I was my usual timid self, so yeah.

- this is definitely MasterP's influence (and being too horny for my own good), but recently I started noticing good-looking guys over 40. I've never paid attention to them before because I'm usually just interested in people my age, or a bit younger, but now I have seen the (40+) light! (I have more to say about this, but I'll keep it for another update).

- still wearing my cb2000. I installed the spikes again, as you can see on the 2 pictures I uploaded. They're actually the CB3000 POI, but they're just as (if not more) effective on a cb2000. I'm going to try a night in them. It's probably going to be a long, painful night, but I want to give it a try. I already had a few very painful attempted erections, not fun. But watever. I'll consider this an alternative punishment to being spanked.
I had the idea thanks to Phil (@driver on Locked and Denied). He's not my official keyholder but he certainly knows how boys like me should be handled. If there are any UK boys here looking for a keyholder/master, you should definitely contact him.

This was supposed to be a very short mid-week entry, hmm.

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