When I told my little bro there is now someone else calling me 'Sir', his reaction was "your Boss? Cannot be... you are a dom now, omg".
Well, yes, and no. If I had to put it simply: I can dom other people, but that doesn't make me dom in general. I want to quote one of my favourite movies (Fight Club): "sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken."
If I can use the same terminology: I (and other people) keep sticking more and more feathers up my butt and maybe I'm starting to look more and more like a chicken, but that still doesn't make me one. I can cluck and flap my wings, but I still can't lay any eggs :)
Also, the weird thing is that I seem to get more respect from some people now that I'm developing my dom side. This confuses me. If they respect me more for actually trying out new things, then great! But I get the feeling some people think a dom is worth more than a sub. Should I use caps to say what I think about that?Okay I'll use caps: that's NOT TRUE. Don't be silly! Think about it, what would a dom be without a sub?
Submission isn't negative, or weak. At least, it shouldn't be. Being a sub requires mental strenght... a sub has to trust the dom, sometimes with his life. That's a choice, and it takes strength to make that choice. (well, unless you do the thinking with your other head and you just take risks and don't think about the consequences...)
Now, back to my situation.
It is a bit weird to call TSkin a mutt, and talking to him like he's a sub, after I've been calling him "Boss" for the past 6 months. However, knowing him for that long means I know most of his turn-ons, and he has sent me a nice list with likes, dislikes and limits (though I should thank his new Boss for that).
Obviously that doesn't mean anything unless there's something I like doing as a dom in his lists of likes. Well, there's plenty, and I hope we get to meet up soon as I intend to give him some dog training. Not that I'm that experienced with it (apart from making a man drinking water out of a bowl on the floor in my living room just by pointing at the bowl), but I'm 100% sure I will enjoy it.
I also want to use him as my bondage subject...I want to try out a couple of things, and I know I'll be more relaxed with him compared to any random guy. And I'm sure there's a lot more kinky trouble he's going to be in when the time comes hehe. I think I'm developing more and more into a spanking top, so I'll always need more "victims" to spank :D
It'll be a learning experience for me, but I don't really want to think about what the "right" way to dom is, I just want to have some fun with him.
In other dom news (one bad, one good): the guy I had over at my house a couple of weeks back deleted his profile on the site I met him. Last thing he told me is that he had a pretty bad experience with some guy, from what I understood the blame for that might've been partly his for not clearly stating his limits... but I understand he probably wanted to take a break after something like that.
Good news is that Tallsub is interested on doing a one-on-one session at my house... bad news is that it has to be on a weekday during 'office hours', which isn't so easy to arrange for me. Anyway, we'll see.
Wishing you a kinky Christmas!
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Hopefully you will have a KINK-FILLED holiday! Shop for Bondage / BDSM
gear from Mr S here
10 hours ago
Rauber, I can only echo your statements about mutual respect building a solid and very necessary basis between top and sub - I see it as the necessary backbone and prerequisite of BDSM. As I echo your comment that a sub is no weakling at all, deserving respect as a person and human being, also during a session, against the unfortunately established stereotype. I even think that submission is an act of strength, maybe even more than just accepting such submission. Multiple times on various blogs, I commented that it takes strength to submit, and a sub should be proud, strong and well-educated. The published mainstream view sadly is very different.
ReplyDeleteThus I very much understand your confusion about your feeling to be more respected now that you explore your dom side. You for sure have deserved to be respected before the same way. During the time I was just a boy or sub, I was repelled by such kind of persons, calling themselves Doms or Masters, but without having respect for a sub. In fact I think that they actually are weak. Any human, especially if he likes to call himself a Master, but being unable to respect others, subs included, makes me feel very confused, tempted to ask them about their questionable own strength, empowering them to have such arrogant view.
As online-boy, I was treated with utmost respect by my former online-Master Chirenon. For sure, he also discipled me, but with the attitude to develop me for the better. Probably due to that, I loved this situation and really felt most cared. I share his view absolutely that any boy has to develop strength, self-respect and power, never neglecting proper education thereby. I think it is more of a shame than any honor to subdue any weakling, but it is of highest honor if a strong sub just submits by free will to his top or master who he feels cared and protected of. But I have to add that this is based on theory only for me so far, not the necessary real-life experience to make such statement. Although to me, it seems plausible, and I will follow such path if I ever find a boy for my own in real-life.
It sounds very exciting that you now are the top of your former boss. I wish you all the best for it, much fun included for both of you. As I wish you all the best for your meeting with Tallsub.
Regards, Roland
Again I totally agree with your comments on the whole Dom/Sub thing. Some people in the BDSM community really stick to those rigid rules, but you know what, rules are meant to be broken! I prefer how I (and others I guess) approach things; why be rigid, I prefer to be flexible and have fun. Sometimes I Dom, sometimes I sub and sometimes I have a switch session - what does it matter really, as long as everyone is enjoying themselves. Personally I've always thought the sub holds the power in a play situation, he's the one who's delivered the lists of likes/dislikes and is in control of how far to take things.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you'll have fun with TSkin. He's a sweet guy isn't he? Hope to get my hands on him (and vice versa) soon too! Because you're friends and have this relaxed vibe between you, it'll allow you to test the waters, try things out and there'd be no pressure to conform to anything really.
Good luck with Tallsub too, hope you can arrange something.
I don't know if the feeling is mutual but I'd love to get my hands on you one day as well :)
DeleteRauber, do not overestimate your capabilities.
DeleteIf you mean me Rauber, yeah, the feeling is definitely mutual! :o)
ReplyDelete