A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... (well, unless the galaxy you're in is the Milky Way, and you're in the Sol system, and you live on Earth, in the UK specifically - then you're pretty close)
There was a teenage Girl. While emotionally very fragile, she had a high sex drive and many kinky thoughts in her head.
By chance or by fate, she met a Boy on an online chat service. She found the Boy to be quirky and funny, and wanted to talk to him all the time. After a while, she convinced herself she was in love with him. The Boy, introverted and sheltered, was initially confused by her declaration of love, but admitted he had feelings for her too. He enjoyed talking about kink and sex with her (amongst many other things), and after a while, in an act of devotion to her, he gave himself to her as a slave, to be used by her for the rest of his life in any way she wanted. Despite that, he knew Girl has a submissive side as well, and was happy to 'switch' for her.
Unfortunately, the emotional instability of Girl was something Boy had quite a lot of trouble with. No matter how he reacted, Girl had bouts of deep depression and strong suicidal feelings. This affected Boy as well, he hated the feelings of helplessness he had, and for his own sanity, he felt he had no choice but to end the relationship. The fact that there was an ocean (well, a small strip of North Sea) between them didn't help either.
This was not the end of their interations, however. They remained (mostly) friends, and their talk about sex and kink continued, even when Girl had relationships with other boys.
Despite the distance, they met up several times. The first time, very early in their relationship, they met up for a day in a park in Londinium (current day London). They spent the afternoon hand in hand. Even that simple, soft gesture made something stir in Boy's loins.
They met up two more times. In their next meeting, Girl had a birthday present for Boy... a leather bracelet, studded with silver letters that spelled SLAVE. Boy wore it all weekend, even when they went to a summer festival in a London park to see some Daft Punks. After the festival, Girl handcuffed Boy and fell asleep. Boy couldn't be happier.
In their last meeting, a year later, Boy realised his feelings for Girl had all but vanished. He still had kinky fun with her, mostly as a dom, playing with her body, whipping her tits, pussy and ass, and making her cum. But it was done with very little feeling, almost as an obligation towards her. Maybe Boy knew that this was their last meeting, and this was his way of giving her a parting gift?
Soon after, Girl met a man, and after a few years they got married, and at present day have a child. Boy found out all of this through the Book of Faces, since Girl broke off all direct communications with him. Boy understands, in a way, thinking she might be afraid of her own feelings but hoping she doesn't consider their time together as nothing more than a bad memory. Girl was Boy's first, in both sex and kink, and despite the problems they had, he still considers the time they had as something special and precious. Boy, being a sentimental fool at times, or maybe just a childish goof, is sometimes still upset she hasn't set him free as a slave, and therefor still feels she owns him. Even though she probably doesn't even think of him anymore, and it was all just words to her.
She lived happily ever after it seems...and Boy... grew up to be...(wait for it...)
Yes, your very own Rauber!
Everything I said really happened (and more, but I wanted to keep it fairly short). I wonder if she would actually enjoy reading my blog...she was very aware of my bi side and always teased me about finding me a boyfriend (and, at some point we actually had cyber with a mutual (fairly vanilla) friend - one I still talk to occassionaly on twitter, him and a girl I met on the same chat as Girl are actually the only people I still talk to from my early internet days (around 2002), but that as an aside heh). Not sure she's still as kinky now as she was then though, I haven't spoken to her in about 4 years.
A funny fact I was reminded of this morning is that my first 'secret' blog actually started with me complaining about her mood swings and occassional weird behavior (I'm sure she lied about some things just to get more attention - teen behavior eh), and it only later became a kinky blog. Then I had another kinky blog on livejournal (because I forgot the password of the first one), before finally ending up here. And to be fair this blog only really started about 2 years ago, with my first BDSM session. But really, everything kinky started with Girl.
Oh, she was also the first person I ever told about my chastity devices kink, she accepted it, though we never really had any fun with it in any of our meets.
So, a lot has changed in 10 years...or maybe not that much?
The Crux of the Matter
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By Jaybird I knocked on the lower level side door of the urban townhouse.
It was opened in seconds, and I was invited in to a really cool social
space with...
1 hour ago
Rauber, I feel most touched by your story and history. It's funny how much girls can influence a man's path in life, and how much men remember being with them ever after.
ReplyDeleteYou know where my interest in CBT started? Well, it was in my teens, being unattached. And the interest in chastity might also stem from this time. But it really developed when I met the girl I was then also married to. We never had any sex, at least physical sex = fucking. We were married about 6 years though, until I could not take it any more. In the meantime, also through the net, I got informed about the concept of chastity as part of BDSM. I was interested in BDSM and fetish like rubber before, but was inhibited to really explore it. But I think my most meaningful roots for my chastity fetish really go back to that time of my marriage, with me just masturbating as only kind of sexual relief, with her just disapproving any sexual interaction near fucking the whole time, even despite counseling. Although the very first roots might even reach back to my education as a teen, forcefully ordered not to mess around with any girl at any time, but then strongly catalyzed by such marriage. Believe it or not, this is really true, although hard to believe.
After divorce, I was a real mess. I did not show it publically, but inside, I really was. Then, given the financial possibilities to do so, I developed further. First on the fetish aspect. I now own a whole wardrobe of various mainly rubber but also leather and vinyl items, also bondage equipment, even as having no-one to play with me. I went to first fetish parties at a club unfortunately no longer existing, the Kitty-Club in Munich, hoping to find some soul-mate there. I got my first CB, a CB2000, back at the time of my marriage, but then, after divorce, some years later, got my Reinholds, after the CB3000 and other CBs. I never found my soul-mate though, until now. In the meantime, I found my likings in men, converting to be gay, or at least bisexual, as I still have some dreams to be with a woman. But what turns me on the most sexually are males now, maybe also catalyzed by the gay-porn I like to consume, as I found out that straight-porn is not as attractive for me any more. I even can state that I by now have had more gay than straight encounters, with the first having been by far more satisfying, maybe due to the more or less BDSM aspect given in such situation, not mentioning the intense online-relations and adventures I had in the meantime.
So, that is my story, in a nutshell. I hope you like it or at least understand a bit better about me now. There are of course a lot more details about it, more situations and experiences, that at the end brought me to the point I am standing now. But it would be too much to add all of them just now.
Best regards, Roland
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