future sessions, 24/7 and other thoughts

It seems like I haven't mentioned this before, but a week or two ago I told Master R that I'd like to do another 'naughty schoolboy' session, preferably with another sub. He said he knew the perfect guy. We've been sending some messages, and he's up for it, but it won't happen until mid-november at the earliest. Ugh. I'm really looking forward to it, I have a lot of things in mind (and already shared them with Master R). It'll also be the first time I'll play with a sub younger than me (he's 27).

Master R also asked me if I wanted to join him in a session at a bdsm-club (the same one he privately booked for the session with other subs), but this time during regular hours, so there will be other people watching us. I said that I had to think about that. In one way, I'm honoured that he asked me, since I'm going to be on public display as "his" slave. So he definitely thinks I'm worth showing to other people. On the other hand, I'm a shy, timid guy, and doing that session with other slaves was already a huge step for me, that was the first time men other than the 2 masters I've been with saw me completely naked. I'm extremely shy about my body as well - you've seen the pics, my penis and balls are small, and I'm not exactly the most athletic-looking guy. So, I don't know, I still haven't decided. I'm leaning towards going at some point, but then more as a sort of experiment, to see if I'll like it, and also to do Master R a favour.

Related to that, I've been thinking about my relationship with him, but it's hard to describe what we have. I guess he's a kind of mentor to me, I tell him everything bdsm-related I do (well, close to everything - this blog is still a secret to everyone), I told him about my previous session and he was very interested in my experiences, I showed him the pics and he loved them. On the other hand, I'm part of his 'slave stable', which includes at least 10 other guys, and he probably has a similar relationship with at least some of them.

I don't know, thinking about it confuses me. Moving on...

Recently I've had some people asking me on straypup and recon if I want to be "trained" for 24/7. I honestly have no idea if I want that. There is a part of me that wants to submit to someone 100%, ready for him/her/them at all times, but then another part of me (I guess the rational part) is scared as hell by that idea. I'm a rather independent, even selfish guy, I never have to look after anyone, and I can do what I want in my spare time. If I really am going to commit myself to someone, this selfishness will have to go. It's also one of the reasons my previous relationships didn't work out; I found it incredibly hard to compromise.

I've talked about this to a dutch guy on straypup, and it's a shame he lives so far from me, because I definitely got the feeling we're very compatible. The conversation also went from kink to history and languages (two of my- and his - favourite subjects). He's looking for a more daddy-son type of relationship, and I can see myself functioning in that type of relationship as well. He wants a son to "educate", which includes keeping the boy chaste, and regular spankings. The amount of kink/bdsm would be rather low, but I wouldn't mind really. I'd rather have a loving relationship with a low amount of bdsm rather than one where I'm just a dumb sex/bdsm object to a master who doesn't really care about me.

Maybe I should make a list of things I'd want in a 24/7 relationship, and just send it to everyone who asks me about it. I'm sure it would scare of 95% of the masters.

I've been talking to another guy, he's not that much older than me, also looking for a slave to own, but he was far more aggressive in approaching me. I usually hate that sort of aggressiveness, when people on recon/straypup say something like "slave, send me a nude picture of you right away!" as a first message, I just ignore them or tell them I'm not interested. I mean, I'm not a slave, I'm only a slave when I submit to a master. I know it's just words, but the way in which they're said is important to me.

Anyway, he wasn't as aggressive as the others, and he asked me some genuine, normal questions, so I kept talking to him. He also has a nipple piercing, and regular readers know that this is one of my biggest turn-ons. I sent him some pics of me, and unlike some other people, actually kept talking to me heh, so that's a plus. Or maybe he's just desperate. Anyway, if our conversations continue the way they're now, I might meet up with him at some point.

I had more to say but this entry is already long enough!