I want to talk about my memories from my childhood and early teens that were related to bdsm.
Childhood memories:
- at some point, I started playing the 'bad guy' whenever I played with other kids, because I knew they would capture me and put me in 'prison' or something like that. I thought it was more exciting than playing the good guy. Also, when I got older (around 11-12 I guess), being captured sometimes made my stomach all tingly (a "butterflies in my stomach" sort of feeling). It was a weird feeling, but pleasant. I think the last time I had it, I was playing with a nephew, and he locked me up in my granddad's garden shed. It was full of spiders and stuff, but I was actually really excited to be locked away, and that tingling feeling was really strong.
- when I was in the backseat of a car, I sometimes pretended that I was kidnapped and tied up. So I just stayed still for ages. My parents probably thought I was asleep or something, or playing some silly game. I got my inspiration from a kidnapped boy, the son of some rich industrialist I think. I still remember the boy's name (Anthony!) and how he told the journalists that he was treated alright (I think one of the headlines was "they fed me cabbage!" or something heh), but that they tied him up and blindfolded him a lot.
- actually, my dad did tie me up sometimes, with a scarf, a soft belt, and once even rope. I don't remember when or why he started doing this, but it was so much fun being tied up and struggling to escape. I think he did it to keep me busy - and quiet - while he watched some tv or something. And before you scream "child abuse!", he obviously knew I enjoyed it, I sometimes begged him to tie me up, but he didn't always want to. When he stopped doing it altogether, well, that was when my childhood ended I guess.
- I remember my dad having bought me a comic book (french style, "bande dessinée") compilation. One of the stories was set in medieval times, and it started in a dungeon. It actually had quite graphic scenes of guys in chains being tortured and branded, but I just couldn't stop looking at it! I don't remember what the story was about, I just remember those first 3 pages or so. It probably explains my love for a) medieval torture devices, b) horror films, and c) anything related to dungeons and imprisonment.
Teen life:
- my first wet dream was bdsm-related. It was a random dream at first; me and some classmates seemed to hold a race or a competition of some sort in a big supermarket. We drove around in carts, putting things in it, hitting each other etc. I don't know what happened, but at the end of the dream, a girl from my class (who I didn't like!) somehow tied us all to a cross, laughed and made fun of us. I woke up with this really, really weird feeling in my stomach, at least 10 times as intense as what I described above. Actually, it was a "dry" dream, I was only about 12, and I don't think my body was able to produce or squirt sperm yet.
- obviously, when I finally did start having wet dreams, and discovered the joys of masturbation, all I fantasised about was being a prisoner, and tied up, or in chains. That alone turned me on so much. I never actually fantasised about sex with girls (or boys - that came much, much later), just that. Later I also had fantasies of being tortured, and some fantasies were rather extreme.
- I also saw l'Histoire d'O (Story of O) at a very young age. Well, I only really remember the ending (and I probably don't remember it right, it must've been 15 years ago), but the idea of sexual slavery turned me on immensely. Also the symbolism of her collar, and her genital piercing, and being branded for her Master... it was so hot. And not just that, I could already see the romanticism in it: O basically 'sacrifices' her body to serve her Master, because she loves her Master, and her Master loves her, but at the same time she is still his slave, his toy. I should really see this film again, it was definitely a huge influence on my fantasies.
There was probably more, but that's all I remember for now.
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