2012 and 2013

Looking back on 2012:

I would say that overall it was a great year. I got to know some great people, through this blog and on recon, and was lucky enough to meet up with some of them. I consider TSkinBoot and Joept as close friends now, the value of their friendship is priceless to me. They know my bad (or less-good!) sides, yet I feel they accept me for who I am, and consider me more than just a play-friend. They made me feel good about myself which is something I needed this year.
I should mention boydenon as well; we had some fun but I consider him a friend as well. But he definitely brought out the dom/sadist in me hehe. And he still talks to me so I don't think I've done a bad job!

Some highlights of the year:

• Staying with Joept: I wrote too many entries about this but it's quite possibly the best thing I did in 2012. The first time I went to him I wasn't expecting too much (and even expected to get kicked out once he found out I'm actually a really boring person). But I found two new friends and discovered a lot of new things. And what I remember the most are the little things. Kneeling before being allowed to sit at the table to eat. Having to take the strap with me to bed one night. And asking "daddy" if I can have another ice cream hehe. So many good memories. I wrote a lot about my first stay in April (start from the bottom of the page if you want to read it all).
• The Fetishbound visits (one and two): I've said it enough times, but really, it's such a great event. I still don't like going to clubs in general but feel perfectly safe and accepted here. I hope I can go a couple of times next year as well.
• First time as switch/assistent-dom with Master P and tallsub : was important to me as I discovered what I liked when having someone "under" me. Which mostly is tickling, spanking and a fair amount of CBT (although I'd prefer calling it "cock and ball play" - CBP! - as it doesn't have to involve torture to make it interesting for both parties).

Of course it wasn't all good this year. I didn't really have any negative experiences with other people, but in general it's clear I need to work on my self-confidence, and I should make more of an effort to go out and meet people.

Looking forward to 2013:

There are still lots of things to discover, things I want to try out for myself, things I know I'd like in theory but still have to put into practice :) Most of all though, I want to spend more time with the people I like. I also want to meet some people I've been speaking with for quite a while now, like TheBondageCub and BearPaul. It would be great if we could all meet up in Manchester at some point.

As for the blog...I'm pretty happy with it the way it is now, although I feel it's another "stage" right now than it was a year ago. Don't ask me what I mean by that hehe. I guess a blog is always evolving in a way, and I feel the last couple of months have been different than before. But then 2011 was different than 2010, and so on. Anyway, I definitely want to do another story like the Skin one, and of course I'll update whenever I have some kinky news to share.

That's all I can think of for now...so I hope everyone has a safe, happy and kinky 2013!

some new gear

Ever since TSkinBoot linked me to the ASMC site, I wanted to buy some stuff from it. I kept visiting it, adding stuff to my cart, and then closing the window, thinking "oh it's too expensive and I'll rarely use any of it anyway". But a couple of weeks ago I couldn't stop myself for ordering some stuff, pretending it's a Christmas present to my kinky self haha.

I made a few pictures of the boots and camos I bought...

This is a T-shirt that TSkinBoot made for me, "bad boy" :) This is the outfit I'll wear for the next Fetishbound:

Now for some more "dom" pictures hehe. Who wants to lick my boots? :P 

And this is a good outfit for military/kidnap games I think (t-shirt isn't new by the way)

The boots feel great, though maybe I should've picked one size smaller - but I can always wear extra socks. I picked "small" for the trousers, which proved to be too narrow around my waist (or rather, I'm too fat!) but  if I open the top button and wear a belt, it's perfectly fine. That's always the danger of ordering clothes/gear off the internet I guess, it's always better if you can try out stuff yourself before buying it. Still, I don't regret buying it in the least, it's great gear, I wear my boots for short walks (not used to the weight so long walks wouldn't be good for me hehe), the camo trousers look and feel great as well. It definitely makes it easier to get into the dom headspace when wearing gear like this. I hope in 2013 I can get someone to lick my boots ;)

Happy Holidays

Whatever it is you're celebrating (In my case: Saturnalia!), be safe and be happy with the things you have and the people who love you.


I hope the boys reading this have been good this year, otherwise "bad" Rauber-Santa might come to visit! Bad boys don't get a lump of coal, they get a good beating! And I'm sure they won't like the toys he has in his sack :)

(thanks to TSkinBoot for making this picture look good!)

Two more blog entries before the year ends: more pics that I took on that day, and a big "this was 2012" entry.

Fetish of the week: chastity devices/orgasm control

Locking up a boy's cock something very powerful. His cock is no longer under his control. In a way, his masculinity is taken away. If you can't even touch your own cock, what does that make you? Less than a man, less than a boy.

Was that dramatic enough for you? Hehe. In all seriousness, the mental aspect of having your dick locked up is often underestimated. I think most locked boys have mixed feelings: in a way it feels great to give up that control, it's exciting. On the other hand, not being able to touch your dick when you feel like it is annoying. Why can't you touch what's yours? Well, is it still yours in the first place, or does it belong now to whoever holds the key?
I think chastity devices and orgasm control are great tools to keep a sub/slave in line. In a way it's a good training tool to teach them that their cock isn't important anymore, the only cock that matters is their dom's. Of course, in an ideal situation a device isn't even needed and the sub is honest about his behavior... but on the other hand, a shiny metal device just looks so good, doesn't it?


As for my personal experiences:
While I had quite a few fetishes before I ever went on the internet, chastity devices were something I only read about once I had access to the WWW. I have no idea how I stumbled upon it, but a site like altarboy's was responsible for a lot of, um, leakage :)  After a while I wanted my own device. I bought a CB3000 off ebay and of course it was a fake. It worked, sort of, but wasn't the original product. Later I bought a CB6000, and also found a CB2000 for cheap. Of all those I liked the CB2000 the most, even though the cage was too wide for me, it caused me the least trouble. The 6000's design always caused some of my foreskin to be trapped at random times, and that always resulted in swollen foreskin.

The longest I've been locked up continuously was about 4 weeks - self-locked, as a challenge of sorts. It was no fun at all :) I spent most of this year as a free boy. I guess my longest period locked this year was a little over 2 weeks. A week before going to London in April, I was instructed not to cum anymore...and during my stay with Joept I didn't cum either. I was locked in my cb2000 pretty much the entire time :) I honestly didn't even miss touching my own cock, it just felt natural after a while.

My favourite chastity device is the Jail Bird from Mature Metal. Below you can see the awesome badgroveboy demonstrating it:

I haven't been in one myself, but from all the experiences I've read it's probably the best non-belt device out there. When you order it you can customize pretty much everything about it - which means it's perfect for someone with a tiny cock like me hehe. My cock can get even smaller than badgroveboy's one, which makes all the plastic devices pretty useless as I can easily pull out. But with a custom made device that shouldn't be a problem anymore.

Of course the only 100% safe way would be a full belt, or getting a piercing that can be integrated with a device. First option is stupidly expensive, second option wouldn't work with me as I have too much foreskin.  Still, IF I ever get owned, I wouldn't mind wearing a device of any kind for as long as my owner wants to. Well, maybe not forever. And if I ever have a boy of my own, you can be sure he'll be locked up more often than not!

To conclude, as always, some links:

LockedM4M: chastity site for gay men. If you're looking for a keyholder this isn't a bad place to start.
Locked&Denied: easily the best chastity blog out there. Daily updates, pics, personal experiences, etc. Also I get most of my traffic from being on his blog list, so please return the favour hehe.
Chastitymansion forums: generally more "straight", but with plenty of experiences from locked guys.
Steelworxx.de: they have a nice selection of affordable metal devices. Feel free to buy me the Steelheart as my christmas present hehehe.
Chastity belt reviews: not updated recently but still a good database of chastity device reviews.

(this was the last "fetish of the week" of this year - this feature may or may not come back next year, depending on my level of laziness!)

Fetish of the week: chain collars

A chain collar is the perfect sign of ownership. For me, a locked chain around someone's neck shows that he's owned, but also protected by his Sir/Boss/Master. Of course pups should have a dog tag hanging from the chain as well :)
And unlike a "serious" leather or metal collar, chain collars can be perfectly wearable 24/7 in vanilla environments. If people say anything about it you can easily say something like "it's a gift from my (boy)friend" without actually lying!

I'll talk a bit about my experiences first.
A few months ago, TSkinBoot sent me a nice chain and padlock. No, not to collar me, it was a gift, and a very nice one. He says it's my chain now but I still very much consider it his chain :) I've started wearing it every night before bed, it's become a tradition of sorts. It doesn't really help me get to sleep faster, but often it helps me fall asleep happier than usual, holding the chain and thinking someone gave this to me because he likes me. And my train of thoughts often leads me to good memories of other kinky situations I've been in this year, so a lot of times I fall asleep happy and horny hehe.
In the end, for me it's really more like a "friendship chain", like you have friendship bracelets hehe, only a bit kinkier :)

"my" chain.

There are a few of my friends lucky enough to have been collared by their Sir, Owner, Boss, boyfriend or husband. First of all, Joept collared his boyfriend with this chain:

(found at D.Vote)

He loves wearing it, and only takes it off when he's with his family (they live quite far away), so basically he wears it 24/7 with one exception.

I wore his old chain (same design) for my entire stay with them in April, and it did make me feel safe and protected, while also making me aware of my position in the hierarchy hehe. You know, sometimes I woke up a little confused and even a bit scared - "why am I in this house where I get beaten every day!!" But feeling and touching the chain calmed me down, and reminded me of what Joept said about it: locking that chain on me means that he wants me there as his boy, happy and safe under his protection. 

I got so used to it I was already out of the house, on my way home, before realising I was still wearing it!! Actually having it taken off did make me feel sad for a bit, but it was great while it lasted...

Moving on, my friend Kaz has a permanent chain collar now, you can read how he did it in this post. How is that for total devotion to his owner? I really admire him and what he did, I don't think I could do it to be honest!

One of my favourite bloggers BadGroveBoy got a new locked chain for his birthday, you can read about it here. Alternatively, he made a great post about how wearing a collar in every day life can be a good reminder of the collared boy's situation. Anyway, this is the chain (from Mr. S Leather):

Much thicker and no doubt heavier than any chain I ever wore!

Last but not least, TSkinBoot recently collared smse14, you can read about it here. Their situation is a little different but so far everything is going well! 

So yeah, I can't help being a little jealous of all the people I mentioned here hehe. The day I get collared by a loving dom/boyfriend/whatever will be a very happy day indeed...

fetish of the week: metal bondage

Metal restraints and chains were really my first fetish ever. When I was around 12 I read a comic (well, bande dessinée to be precise) which started with a scene in a medieval dungeon. Guys in heavy metal restraints, chained to the wall, some guys in really small cages, some guys being tortured on the rack. I felt funny in my stomach when seeing this. When I was a bit older it had an effect on my penis as well... so while other boys my age were fantasising about girls or boys, I was fantasising about being chained and locked up!

Unfortunately I haven't had much experience with metal bondage so far. I've been in handcuffs (of course) but nothing heavier than that. I'm hoping to change that next year, if all goes well I will do a trip to Manchester and hopefully meet up with a few people, including the Bondage Cub, who has a nice collection of gear. And yesterday my friend, mentor and eternal tormentor Joept told me he ordered some metal spreader bars, one set for wrists and neck and a set for wrists and ankles. Looking forward to those new experiences...and kind of dreading it a little as well, who knows what kind of evil things they will do to me once I'm restrained!

Okay, now for the reason you clicked on this entry: pictures!

A few items from the Bondage Cub's collection...

And an old picture of him showing off double rigid irons:

A few internet/tumblr favourites:

(unknown source)

(from Prometheus chained)

(from fagg-it)

(from Kevin's place)

(from Dr. Mad Max)

I'm not going to put any more pics here but I'll share some links:

- The Dogcatcher made an entry with some internet finds...good stuff. Follow his blog if you don't already!

- MetalBondNYC - who doesn't know this site?
- Fossil9's blog has quite a few entries that features metal bondage (and cages). Always beautifully done.

As always, comments are welcome, let me know what you like and if you know any more interesting sites, blogs or videos that feature metal bondage. 

Last year's leaves

While making a back-up of stuff on my old laptop, I came across some mails that brought back a lot of memories...

About a year and a half ago, I joined a site called Locked and Denied. It was a 'social network' site for people into chastity. Back then, I really was into chastity in a big way, and I found the site to be really fun; fairly small-scale, and with great interaction between members. I met a few nice people on it, had some great conversations and talked about various topics related to chastity and being a sub. Thanks to that site I also did my first "long" (about 5 weeks) lock up period. I don't think I would've made it that far if it weren't for the support from the people there.
But around that time I also had my first real-life BDSM experiences, and chastity just didn't seem as important anymore. After a while I didn't visit the site that often anymore, and at some point the site went down. Really a shame it had to happen like that, I loved the community, and I hope one day he finds the time and energy to get it up again at some point.

Anyway, I want to talk about one guy in particular I met through that site. The first few messages were just general talk, but I noticed this dominant undertone in his messages, and after a while I simply asked him if I could call him "Sir" because it somehow seemed natural to address him that way. Well it only got better from then on hehe. We had some really nice conversations and we were really quite compatible. He was quite sadistic (maybe too sadistic for me), but when he talked about his fantasies it also involved romantic elements. He really wasn't a random brute - if he was I doubt we would've exchanged more than two messages.

He was really good at keeping me in a submissive mindset; he knew that chastity, corporal punishment and humiliation were things I needed to be (and remain) a good boy. He was breaking me down, piece by piece, until I would fully accept that submissive slut deep inside me. I even made two videos for him, both of them were about spanking my balls while in chastity. He told me to put them on my xtube account, but I begged him not to expose me to such humiliation (you could clearly see my face on the video), and he showed his kindness by not forcing me to do it hehe. For me, another sign that he might be "evil" but still understanding - like any good dom should be.

Sadly we lost track of each other - last thing I did was send him a "hi Sir how are you?" message on MSN, which went unanswered. Maybe he got bored of me (though, if he was being honest, I thought we really had something going on and I would've loved to visit him), maybe it was just a bad time (for both us), maybe... who knows?

There were many important things I learned from him, and random bits of conversation I still remember. When he first started talking about the possibility of meeting up, I told him he would end up being disappointed with me. He asked me why. I said I'm not a supermodel or anything, I'm just an average boy. He replied that he's interested in me because average, boy-next-door types are exactly the kind of guys he's into. That was important for me, to get some self-respect and not be embarrassed about my body or who I am in general. Although, I'm sure he loved me being embarrassed about my small dick hehe.

Now, for me, it's sort of funny to write all this, and see the similarities with a certain dom in the UK I started talking to about a year after this. Someone who I also talked to casually before getting to call him "Sir." Someone who is also evil, but understanding, and who beats me (hard!) but hugs me and calls me a "good boy" as well. Someone who also likes to see me naked, humiliated, degraded, fully focused on pleasing my Sir and not having silly thoughts about topping other boys!!

It's funny how things go sometimes. And how we get influenced by seemingly random encounters.

How about a toast? To random encounters. And on a personal note, a toast to all those people who had, and still have, an influence on my kink life.