I lost control

I've been a bad boy the past couple of weeks. Instead of meeting up with other Masters to get my fix, I just stayed at home and masturbated. A lot.

In a way it was like going back before I started seeing Masters. I read a BDSM story or see a profile, and start masturbating thinking about the possibilities...and when I cum, there's a voice in my head that says "okay that was a good wank, but you don't really want that to happen do you? You don't need this." Then a second, more quiet voice says "but you really should try to meet up with a Master..." (and a third voice says: "both of you shut up, I'm trying to get some sleep here!!")

Yes, it's the endless cycle of wankery. I'm sure a lot of people are in the same position. They're the "fakers" on profile sites.

So, what's the solution to this? Well, isn't it obvious? Chastity of course! In my case, I don't think I would have ever had the courage of meeting up with someone if I hadn't locked myself up for more than a week.

Earlier this week, I told Sir J I hadn't met up with anyone yet since I got back from London...he said I should wear my chastity device until I get a date.
I know that's the proper thing to do...in fact, I think I even mentioned this on my blog some time last year: ideally I would be locked up between meetings, so all my sexual energy is focused on the meetings, instead of just getting myself off. This kind of chastity regime would be very good for me, since I consider myself still far too selfish to be a good sub.

That's the theory anyway. Since I'm not really owned by anyone right now, it all depends on my own willpower. I have some willpower, but it's not easy. Not being able to masturbate can be very...un-fun. I'm going through my difficult days right now, this is my 5th day of chastity, and the last 2 days I've been incredibly horny, and had a lot of trouble getting the horniness out of my head and focus on other things. It's stupidly frustrating. And of course I've been thinking of taking the device off, the way I see it, I'm still the one in control so I can do what I want. If it's not fun, why should I continue doing it?
Well, so far I'm still a good boy, and I want to stay a good boy. I don't want to disappoint people, and I know that in the long run this is good for me. And I also know that this phase will pass, and it gets easier the longer I'm locked up.

As for any upcoming dates: I contacted Master R first, mostly because he sent me a message about a week ago, and he was upset because I hadn't contacted him since before I went to London. He even said "did I do something wrong?" I felt awful about this (I'm honestly horrible at maintaining social relationships), so just for that I felt that he should give me a good punishment session.
Well, I was hoping for a session this week (today actually), but first he said it would be Monday, and today I got another message saying it'll be next Thursday at the earliest!!
So I contacted Master P, the guy who I had my very first session with, and he might be able to see me this weekend. Fingers crossed, otherwise I'll likely have to stay locked up for another week :(