Pictures from the session with Master I

Master I has given me permission to show some pics from when Sir J and I went to him.

Now, when I first saw the pictures, I had to laugh. I thought "this can't be right, Sir J tied up and being a collared boy just like me, how silly! He's my boss, he's not a boy like me!" It's like I thought the pictures were a lie, heh. They aren't, of course, that evening we were both boys of Master I. Although Sir J was definitely the alpha boy :) 

In both pictures, Sir J tied me up, and was then tied up by Master I. In the second pic, you can see that Master I connected the clothspins on our nipples with rope. Master I teased me quite a bit, and I'm very jumpy, so every time I moved, Sir J's nipples were pulled on. I'm pretty sure Sir J was suffering more than me in this position...

I have to say I also felt very aware of being locked in a chastity device, even a bit embarrassed. I don't know why, I think that was the only time in London that I was a bit embarrassed about it. Maybe it also had something to do with the position I was in, I don't know. Thinking back on it, it was also one of the things that seperated Sir J and I, my cock was locked up but his was still free (and I tasted it several times during the session).

Another difference is that I was hooded from the moment we got in until the moment we left . I could still see something through the hood, but I was also blindfolded for most of the session anyway, it was only near the end that the blindfold was removed. Another difference between me and Sir J. It also means I never got a good look at Master I - I have no idea what he looks like. 

I already said some things about the session in previous London-related entries and don't really have much more to add. I really enjoyed it (especially the spanking by Master I), despite being nervous, and I felt that, at least from my side, that it brought us (Sir J and I) closer together. I can't really explain that, maybe it was because he shared his sub side with me? I don't think many doms share their sub side with one of their own boys, so I considered that a sign of trust from him. 

One last thing about the pictures: even though you can't really see it that well in these two, I love the contrast between Sir J and me. I'm very white with light body hair, he has darker skin with a lot of black body hair. 

And if you're wondering about the socks: it's a fetish of Master I, I brought along orange ones (because white is boring, right?), had no idea Sir J had blue ones, but I think that also makes for a good colour combination :)

That's all for now. Will update again later this week. 

How much is that doggy in the window?

After the session last Saturday with Master P, we talked a bit about my experiences and stuff. The topic of pup play was brought up, several people have asked him to do puppy play, but he wasn't really sure what he could do. Well, I told him how Sir J treated me when we did pup play (he loved it when I quoted Sir J: "I don't abuse pups but I do abuse humans!"). I also told him there are no real rules, but personally, pup play for me is nothing sexual at all, and has almost nothing to do with BDSM, other than the fact that the pup basically gives up his humanity and has to trust his boss. From the moment bondage or sex is brought in, it's no longer pup play for me. The pup should do what a real pup does: sniffing, licking, playing, sleeping.
Well, that's all my opinion anyway, not sure what my readers think about this.

Anyway, Master P had fun and we're going to try to meet up next week, yay!

This Sunday, I'm going to spend a night being Master R's slave. He already told me a few things that would happen: I'll have to strip the moment I come in, he'll take away my clothes, and I'll be naked until I am 'released from service' the next morning. He said the cane would be waiting for me - he threatened me with it before but  has never hit me with it, I think that's going to change on Sunday :(
I hope it will be fun, the thought of serving him as a naked, collared slave is definitely something that turns me on immensly, but we'll see how it works out.

Lately I have been in a very submissive/serving mood, so it'll be good for me to let it out. I'm still not sure if this feeling is something sexual/role-play like, or if it's actually a 'deeper', non-sexual feeling. The thought of me being a 24/7 slave is pretty ridiculous in a way; like I said before, I'm actually a lazy, selfish guy, pretty much the opposite of what a slave should be. Maybe it's a sort of inner mental 'opposites attract' kind of thing haha. I don't know.
Like most things it's probably not really as black and white as I describe it here. The only thing I know for sure now is that I need hugs and cuddles just as much as I need beatings!

Anyway, being in that really submissive mood always makes me more clingy and attention-seekery, and Sir J seems to be my favourite victim now heh. Poor guy. I probably deserve a caning for annoying him all the time.


So, next update will probably be on Monday.

(if you're curious about the title of this entry, watch this video)

session with Master P: midnight wood

Master P is the master who popped my BDSM cherry (you can read an embarrassingly glowing review here - oh how young and naive I was then haha), but since then we haven't been able to meet up with each other, mostly because of the combination of his irregular job hours and me having to rely on public transport and him picking me up at a station 20km from his home. First problem might get solved at some point, but the second problem got solved a few months ago (I now have access to a car). So, 14 months after the first session, we finally met up again.

We talked a bit before we started the session, and he warned me he has a bondage "installation". It turned out to be a sort of DIY bondage frame, with a wooden pallet as base, two wooden poles at the side, and two horizontal pieces of wood, one on the top and one in the middle (just above ass-hight in my case).
The way this is set up offers a lot of possibilities, and I got to experience plenty of them. I won't go into detail about all of them, since it was a session of about 5 hours it would take me far too long to talk about everything we did.

His (and my) favourite position was at the end of the session, and it was an experiment, he didn't know if it would work out...but it did. I was on my back on the wooden plate, and my hands and feet were tied up above me. He changed the position of my feet several times, he quite liked me being in this position because he had easy access to just about everything; he could easily spank me, play with my nipples, and torture my feet (more about that later). At one point, my legs were in a position that gave him clear access to my hole. That position was actually quite humiliating for me, I felt very exposed... and being with a horny gay master who could easily take advantage of me...a straight guy would get nervous for less!!
But by that time - after more than 4 hours of bondage, teasing, cp,... - I was horny enough to allow some anal play, even though I said I wasn't in the mood for it before the session started. He fingered me while masturbating me, very intense (it sent shivers all over my body) - too intense for me cum heh. We ended the session shortly after that. It was already nearing midnight...

One of the new things for me this session was foot torture. He used a combination of tickling and spanking/whipping them, and did that several times throughout the evening. I kind of hated it but loved it as well. The pain is quite sudden and intense, but it only really lasts for a second or so. He really took advantage of me in the positions I described above. I knew he would, and I groaned when he started touching my feet heh. That's basically when I thought "ugh, I really hate this!!! ....and I really hope he does it more". So yeah, that's potentially a new fetish, or at least something I want to do again. In moderate amounts though, and if it's a good mix of teasing/tickling and hitting.

Another thing I wasn't really used to was the bondage he did on/around my balls. He did some cool stuff with it, and he deserves much credit for that because I have tiny balls that like to float around as much as they can. One good position was when he tied the rope around my balls to my collar, bending me over, and started whipping my behind. With each hit I jumped up a little and pulled on my balls. It was annoying. And of course I loved it.

Lots of other fun things happened, and he learned all my weaknesses and peculiarities, like how my cock can be controlled through my nipples, and how softly spanking my cock can get it harder than just masturbating it. I'm pretty sure he had a lot of fun exploring all that.

Master P really is a great bondage master, very creative, very tactile, and very concerned with the well-being of his 'victims'. He has the reputation of being somewhat soft when it comes to cp, and I have to agree with that, but I don't really mind. And this time he was definitely harder than the first time, and the foot torture was pretty intense as well. He's not really in the master/slave thing though, bondage is definitely the main theme.
And just like the first time, I felt very at ease with him, he has a very calm demeanor, which -at least for me- makes it easier to trust him and feel safe with him.

I brought along some of my toys as well, and even though I've owned most of them for over 5 years, this was actually the first time someone else used them on me. I have a nasty looking whip, but I always wondered how nasty she really is (whips are always female in my world). Well, she's a downright mean bitch. This morning I saw some marks on my legs and around my ass, and I'm 100% sure it's from her. And he didn't even hit me that hard!! I think I honestly should get rid of her for my own good heh.



So yeah, great session, enjoyed it a lot. It was also interesting to see how much I've 'grown' in those 14 months, I feel like I'm much more communicative now, it's easier for me to say what I like and don't like as it's happening. I don't think I ever talked so much during a session as I did now actually! But that's also because Master P frequently asked if I was okay, and asked some feedback on some of the positions I was in, and how much pain I could take, and so on. It was a very relaxed (but still very exciting) session because of the open communication.

And here's what you've all been waiting for: the pics!





Yup, no pics. I didn't bother bringing my camera along because in the first session we had, he didn't feel like taking some. This time though, he said he wanted to take a pic of that 'exposed' position...too bad we didn't have a camera ready! So next time I'll take my camera with me, maybe it'll get used, maybe not, but at least it'll be there if we want to use it.

Right. That's all. For now!

I lost control

I've been a bad boy the past couple of weeks. Instead of meeting up with other Masters to get my fix, I just stayed at home and masturbated. A lot.

In a way it was like going back before I started seeing Masters. I read a BDSM story or see a profile, and start masturbating thinking about the possibilities...and when I cum, there's a voice in my head that says "okay that was a good wank, but you don't really want that to happen do you? You don't need this." Then a second, more quiet voice says "but you really should try to meet up with a Master..." (and a third voice says: "both of you shut up, I'm trying to get some sleep here!!")

Yes, it's the endless cycle of wankery. I'm sure a lot of people are in the same position. They're the "fakers" on profile sites.

So, what's the solution to this? Well, isn't it obvious? Chastity of course! In my case, I don't think I would have ever had the courage of meeting up with someone if I hadn't locked myself up for more than a week.

Earlier this week, I told Sir J I hadn't met up with anyone yet since I got back from London...he said I should wear my chastity device until I get a date.
I know that's the proper thing to do...in fact, I think I even mentioned this on my blog some time last year: ideally I would be locked up between meetings, so all my sexual energy is focused on the meetings, instead of just getting myself off. This kind of chastity regime would be very good for me, since I consider myself still far too selfish to be a good sub.

That's the theory anyway. Since I'm not really owned by anyone right now, it all depends on my own willpower. I have some willpower, but it's not easy. Not being able to masturbate can be very...un-fun. I'm going through my difficult days right now, this is my 5th day of chastity, and the last 2 days I've been incredibly horny, and had a lot of trouble getting the horniness out of my head and focus on other things. It's stupidly frustrating. And of course I've been thinking of taking the device off, the way I see it, I'm still the one in control so I can do what I want. If it's not fun, why should I continue doing it?
Well, so far I'm still a good boy, and I want to stay a good boy. I don't want to disappoint people, and I know that in the long run this is good for me. And I also know that this phase will pass, and it gets easier the longer I'm locked up.

As for any upcoming dates: I contacted Master R first, mostly because he sent me a message about a week ago, and he was upset because I hadn't contacted him since before I went to London. He even said "did I do something wrong?" I felt awful about this (I'm honestly horrible at maintaining social relationships), so just for that I felt that he should give me a good punishment session.
Well, I was hoping for a session this week (today actually), but first he said it would be Monday, and today I got another message saying it'll be next Thursday at the earliest!!
So I contacted Master P, the guy who I had my very first session with, and he might be able to see me this weekend. Fingers crossed, otherwise I'll likely have to stay locked up for another week :(

monthly blog talk: april

I had some blog milestones last month, 10.000 total views and my 100th entry.

I suppose I should be happy with the many views, but since this blog started out as my secret little kinky corner on the internet, it kind of lost that meaning now. You know, the first six months of this blog, I only had about 50 monthly views (and I'm pretty sure most of that was me). Now I have over 2000 views per month, so that's a bit scary. But kind of cool at the same time :)
 I sometimes feel like I need to start a new secret blog...but then it would also get popular over time, and after two or three years I would want to start over again...it's the circle of blog-life heh. So that would be pretty pointless...I'll just go on like this, I'm happy with the blog, and since people read it, it can't be that bad.

Going by my calculations, I think this is my 100th entry... in any case it's one of the entries about my stay with Sir J, which is good. I have to smile every time I read those entries again :) Good memories.

I want to thank some of my fellow bloggers for their support and nice comments in the past couple of months:
Boyglenn - great blog, but he should update more :P
Dirtypig's dog - like Boyglenn, he's one of my earliest followers, and I look up to him because he's a slave with a good attitude towards being owned and being a slave.
Badgroveboy - love his blog, he talks about his experiences on being a boy, getting spanked etc. Really good read, check out the older entries as well. He's also on Twitter now: @badgroveboy
TSkinboot - the blog is only 2 months old but has some good stuff on it. Good mix of pics and personal experiences. And he's a nice guy :)
Kazukiwolf - he has a tumblr thing so not a 'traditional' blog, but I still want to mention him because I know some people started reading my blog when he mentioned me in one of his entries. He's also on Twitter: @ropewolf
Locked&denied - it's all about chastity in his blog, with daily picture updates.

That's all for now!

repressed memories!

I actually have some more things to say about the last couple of weeks...

Chastity: this is a fetish of mine I've been pretty much ignoring since I started doing BDSM-sessions, mostly because none of the Masters I met were interested in it. Until Sir J.
I think this is a fetish that's incredibly hard to explain to people who aren't into it, but I'm happy I've been able to talk to some of my 'chastity brothers' and read their stories/blogs... one thing we can all agree on is that it just feels right to be in chastity. We probably all have different reasons to like it, consciously or subconsciously, but that's certainly something we all agree on.
Another thing that's part of the experience (at least for me) is what I call 'chastity euphoria'. The first week of being locked is hard, and for me the hardest part is always between day 7 and 10, then I feel silly, stupid and even angry at myself for wearing a chastity device. But then...everything suddenly makes sense, I like wearing the device, and I want to wear it forever. So really, the first two weeks are definitely the hardest part about being locked up in my experience.

Staying with Sir J, the feeling was a bit different. I started wearing the cb2000 a week before I went to him. I got that silly/stupid/angry feeling on day 5, then felt better again. I was a little embarrassed about it when I had to strip for the first time, but I got used to it a lot quicker than I thought I would. But on the second day, I had that um, little emotional breakdown, and I really think the chastity aspect had something to do with it. He was saying that I would stay locked up for my entire stay, while he'll get to cum whenever he wants to. I thought that was so unfair! I was upset about that, and I guess I also finally realised the situation I was in: this guy was going to dominate me, tease me and hurt me for a whole week... can I even handle that?
So that moment was actually good for letting go of some of the fears and doubts I had, and after that I was also more comfortable wearing the cb2000, and I actually didn't want to cum at all. And I didn't. Even when I got home I didn't masturbate straight away...it took me another 3 days actually. So my total orgasm-less period was 17 days, I think the second longest lock-up period I ever did. And also the first one where someone else was in control (apart from the last 3 days).


The beatings: I still want to say something about this. I know I complained a lot about them, but my attitude did change over the course of my stay with Sir J. At first I was rather annoyed with them, almost considering them a necessary evil. They also hurt, you know? Heh. You see, I don't get off or get hard when I get spanked - pain in itself doesn't turn me on. But I somehow still enjoy getting spanked and beaten, if it's not too hard of course!
Anyway. Over the course of the week, I guess I got used to being beaten, and after a while I started being genuinely thankful for getting beaten. The before-bed-beatings helped with that, but about every two days I got a more serious beating as well. Like I said before, the last couple of days I started looking forward to my BBBs, but I got a pretty hard beating on day 7, probably the hardest beating I got that week. Definitely pushing my limits, but I felt great afterwards. Well, mostly in need of a hug!

I think I have enough experience now to know the difference between a good beating and a bad beating. Well I never got a bad beating during my stay, but there were 2 good beatings that stood out for me:
1) The one in the club. Such a good structure and build-up, including the warm-up spanking, and watching Rick get spanked while waiting for my 'proper' beating. The beating was fairly hard but never too hard, with some new elements I never experienced before (the bullying/slapping/pushing part at the end). And I got 2 great rewards afterwards: hugs, and Sir J telling me I've been a good boy and that he's proud of me!
2) Master I spanking me. He really is a Master when it comes to spanking, trust me. Such a good rhythm, with enough variation and a great build up. I tell you, he was composing a symphony on my ass!! Spankings can be an art form as well, I'm sure of it.

The caning on the last day was also important for me mentally...I was honestly upset that I ignored an order Sir J gave me, because I felt like I disappointed him and that I wasn't a good boy. The resulting punishment was good because it put my mind at ease. And I do think I got off relatively easy, there were far more cruel things he could've done. Getting attention, even if it's in the form of a caning, is still better than getting no attention at all, in my opinion.


This experience has also given me a better idea of the things I like in a long-term scene or a dom/sub relationship. One of the things I really enjoyed were the daily traditions. Not just the before-bed-beating, but also the 'table' command (it meant I had to kneel by the table and wait until the food is served), and some other little things. So that's something I would definitely need in a similar relationship.
I think I'm also more of a boy than a slave...but that's difficult to explain and I'm already tired heh. I have to say I really enjoy being a cheeky boy - it's part of my personality really. Not sure Sir J enjoyed that - at one point he told me to "stop being too clever for your own good". Yup, I can be handful I suppose...
I also have some ideas for my next time with Sir J - but I don't really want to think about that too much. At least not until we can actually arrange something. I'd love to go again this summer but that might not be possible, so it would be silly to dream about things that can't be.


I think I said enough now... next entry: monthly blog talk.