About a boy

Two days after the session, I still have whip marks on my ass and back. And my left nipple got bruised pretty badly, it's going to take a week or two to get back to normal.
I have mixed feelings about this. I don't mind a heavy (or heavier than what I'm used to) session, as long as I know in advance it's going to be heavy. Since it's been two months since my last session, I was expecting a relatively soft session to start with. Master R gave me, perhaps for the very same reason, a rather heavy session. I guess it's my fault for not communicating clearly with him (it's one of my main personality flaws really - it's like I sometimes expect people to read my mind. Can be dangerous in a BDSM setting with people who don't know me well). I still enjoyed the session, and because of it I was in a very good mood the day after, but it doesn't always have to be this hard.

I was supposed to have another BDSM date today, which was made a few weeks ago, and I was a bit apprehensive about going to it while still recovering from my "battle wounds"... of course, the guy cancelled, which I was sort of expecting anyway. This morning I got a bunch of messages on recon, with the last one being an apology about cancelling our date. One of the previous messages read "are you fuckable? do you have a big dick?", which made me conclude he was really only looking for a sex date after all (with the bdsm just being a side dish). I wasn't, so I told him I'm not mad at him for having to cancel our date, but if he wants someone to fuck, he'll have to look elsewhere.

It's not all bad news! In the past couple of days, I've been talking to a dominant London guy. I'll call him Sir J from now on. He has a boyfriend (who is also his sub/boy) but he also plays with other guys. He's been telling me a lot about his relationship, and it's the sort of relationship I can see myself in as well. His boy isn't really his "slave", but there are several 24/7 elements in their relationship. The boy wears a padlocked chain around his neck pretty much all the time, for example, and Sir J decides when he needs a shave (facial and body hair). But what I like the most about their relationship is that it's clear Sir J really, really loves his boy, takes care of him, and protects him. It's incredibly romantic, I can only hope to ever be in a relationship like that. Yes, the boy gets beaten and fucked when his master wants to, but the boy gets a lot of cuddles and kisses as well, it's not like Sir J keeps him chained up in a basement all day and night. From what I read, it's really a good example of a healthy 24/7 kinky relationship.
In short, I'm actually quite jealous of them!

We talked a lot yesterday, and he started dominating me as well. Part fantasy (what would happen if I was there with him), and from today on, in real life as well. Last night he asked me to shave my pubes and chest. Haven't done that in...a year? But I did it today, for him. It feels (and looks) pretty weird. Yes I feel more like a "boy" now, but of course part of me is resisting this boy-ness. I'm too old, too ugly and too fat to be a boy, right?? But if other people don't care about that, why should I?
Sir J was pleased with the result, and later in our conversation called me a "good boy". In a previous blog entry I wrote about how this is a sort of trigger phrase for me, it instantly puts me in a submissive and very happy mood, and eager to please. This, and many other things we talked about, made it clear we're quite compatible when it comes to kinky things.

We've also been talking about meeting up, I can go to London for a few days in April. He has put my mind at ease about a few things (one example: he talked about going to a BDSM club with me, I told him I'm too shy for that, he was quite alright with that and told me I can watch and only join in when I really want to), so I hope the meetup will happen, I'm looking forward to it. Of course, the cynic in me says he'll get bored of me long before that. But who knows, this could actually be the beginning of a nice international kinky friendship!

Next entry: more talk about this blog, and my name explained.