later...

Some very late thoughts on what happened during my recent London visit...

It was nice letting out my inner boy and not be limited by anyone or anything. Well, apart from myself maybe.  I can get somewhat negative about my own boy-being; sometimes I think it annoys people, and that my friends only tolerate it to do me a favour. I know it's not true, but, you know...
Also, I found out that this boy thing really is part of my personality, a pretty important part in fact. It's not an act or anything. Sometimes I wish it was, so I could shut it down at the appropriate times, but nope... My feelings about this are quite complex but I won't bore you with this.

I had a very, very difficult moment as a boy. It was Saturday evening, Sir came home and brought some wine for us. Well, for him and Tskin. Not for me. As a boy, I had to drink orange juice. Of course. But that first moment, I really had to bite my tongue not to swear or call Sir names. I was so annoyed. I was really really looking forward to having some wine - I don't drink much alcohol at all, but I like it so when I'm offered some I happily accept. But now I didn't even have a choice, I was a boy and had to accept what daddy decided for me hehe. I was a good boy and didn't make a fuss about it.  But damn, that was a difficult moment when I saw he poured me a glass of orange juice and not wine. It might seem like a small and stupid thing, but it really wasn't.
Afterwards, he told me it wasn't easy for him either - as a good host he wanted to offer me the wine, but the D/s aspect of giving me orange juice won out in the end :)

A few words on my visit to the Boys & Sirs event at the Hoist then. I did enjoy it, but I have to admit I got a little bored near the end. I'm too shy to socialise, and watching people getting spanked there didn't do much for me. I LOVE getting spanked, and I enjoy spanking other people to some extent, but just watching...no, I prefer to be in the action. However, when there's bondage involved, I suddenly find it a lot more interesting to watch (not to mention the fact that I really like seeing guys get tied up or restrained in the first place).  It's another reason why I prefer Fetishbound over any of the other (spanking-centric) events I went to.

I got spanked there by a man I had never met before, something that's a bit outside my normal doing, but I wanted to give it a go. He was nice to me, even chose a spot to spank me so TSkin could see me. The spanking was really quite nice, he knew what he was doing, wasn't too hard for me, it had a nice build-up, etc. In the end I was a little embarrassed when he saw my little penis and balls - "oh I like this!" was his reaction, but still. We had a little chat afterwards and he told me I should come to Boys & Sirs more often... well, if I go next time, there will be at least one person who wants to spank me I guess.
Also, my friends were teasing me that I was only "popular" because of my outfit (just a simple gym outfit, white t-shirt and black shorts), and especially because of my Marvel underwear hehehe. But the truth, of course, is that I was popular because I'm a nice boy!! :P

During my stay I also had fun entertaining another boy. Nothing too heavy, as I was a boy myself, just helping Sir out a little bit :) I liked playing with his sensitive cock and balls especially. I think the interaction between us three was pretty good. However, I couldn't help asking him - at least twice - if he was still okay, once concerning the metal restraints, and once when it looked like he was having a difficult time - not in pain, but concerning the intensity of his "torture". I felt a bit guilty about this afterwards, thinking it might have pulled him out of his headspace a bit, and also because Sir was in control here and not me. Still have a lot to learn I guess.

One aspect of Sir's play I never talked about much is the bullying; he likes pushing/slapping/punching his boys, never hard, but enough to have an impact. This is even more intense when the boy is hooded/blindfolded and tied up, as he won't know where the next hit will be, and he can't defend himself against it.
He first did this to me at a club, and I actually found it quite hard to take, not physically, but mentally. I was close to saying my safeword at some point. I suppose I was confused with this kind of play - it didn't really physically hurt me, and just because it didn't hurt me, I didn't get the point of this kind of play. It was just...uncomfortable. Obviously the point is to feel discomfort and feel like you're trapped, but then also to feel good about yourself getting through this. A mixture of relief and pride, I guess.

Lastly, I received a few comments on losing my virginity. To be honest, it's not that big a deal for me. It was a big deal that I did this with Sir, as we already had plans to do this when I came to stay with him for the first time (April last year!). I would say that actually sleeping with a guy for the first time (which in my case included a lot of cuddling, kissing, sucking, talking, and eventually sleeping!) was a much stronger experience for me. I know I'm wired a little differently from most guys when it comes to stuff like this, but yeah.
I'm not saying this was a bad experience at all, or that I'm disappointed - it wasn't, and I'm not. I want to feel him inside me again! It was also an act of submission on my part: I had already given him 99% of my body to use and abuse, but this was like the last barrier for him to have total dominance over my body, a last hiding place for me. So as a sub, it felt good giving that up for him.
I've made a few jokes about it as well, like how I gave him the precious and priceless gift of my virginity, and all I got in return was a ticket to Shrek the musical! Hardly adequate payment I say!!!

You know, I might go back to London very very soon...