enablers - identity - being a boy

When you start out in the BDSM world, it's important to find like-minded people, and not be distracted by people who only want you to do what they want while ignoring your needs. You need enablers, people who are willing to go along with your wishes and needs (as long as they get pleasure from it as well), and not pushers who steer you in a certain direction that might not be to your own benefit. Pushers are generally the ones who only think with their dick and are oblivious to the deeper, emotional aspects of BDSM. Enablers want you to be happy with who and what you are.
Of course it's not all black and white, I'm not saying pushers are evil, just that they are...limited in their mindset. Some people are okay with that - especially those only looking for short sessions that end in one or both parties shooting their load - but I hold the opinion there's more to BDSM than that.

Another aspect is identity - who are you, as a kinkster, and where do you fit in? It's easy to get lost in the big BDSM world, but never forget who you are and what you want, and most importantly, what makes you feel good. I don't think it's a "digital" world, in the sense that you can only love or hate something, and that you can only be one thing (of course you can be a pup-slave-pig-boy!) but it is nice to have a main kink and use that as a starting point to make contact with other people and explore further.

As for me, I'm lucky enough to have met some enablers on my journey. Won't mention everyone here - I would say pretty much everyone I've met in the past year are enablers. Master P is one of them, and I'm very grateful to him (and the "victim"!) that I was allowed to switch in a session and top a nice guy. Even though I already knew, more or less, what I would like doing as a top, it's still nice to get more experience, and feel more confident about what I want to do and what I can do.

Joept probably has been the most influential enabler. In a way, he hasn't really taught me anything new about myself; I already knew I had a pup side, a boy side, that I need to serve,... but he let me experience everything, without pressure.

As for my identity, I've been thinking about that a lot recently. As you know I like needlessly complicating things, but in the end, I must say I'm mostly a boy. It's the name and position I'm most comfortable with. Not just that but in a lot of things I really am a boy, I like Lego, videogames, and tv shows aimed at kids and teens like Buffy, Xena and The Sarah Jane Adventures (it's better than Doctor Who I tell you!!) Oh and I started buying Marvel comics last year.
Anyway, I've become more and more comfortable with my position as a boy, in so much that I'm saying a lot of boy things on twitter (some people seem to be amused by it...). It's not like I have to think about it, it just comes out naturally.

But that's just the outer shell of being a boy. As a boy, what I want the most is the love and affection of a caretaker or guardian. A Sir or a daddy, someone who loves me, looks over me, guides me, and of course disciplines me when necessary. I think this is really my deepest need, a feeling that's far stronger than anything else. Obviously I have other needs as well, but this one is...special.
I haven't talked about this much I guess, mostly because it's one of those feelings that are hard to describe, and it's far easier to talk about more superficial things. And of course there are the obvious doubts: I'm too old to be a boy, doing boy things as an adult is silly, etc.

Still, I really enjoy reading blogs and experiences from other boys and their Sir/daddy. Reading them made me realise how much I have in common with the boys, and how my attitude is very boy-ish hehe. I identify with those boys a lot more than with any other sub-group.

Back to the enabling thing - Joept has definitely had a big influence on accepting my boy side. Like I said before, he let me call him daddy, and I didn't find it weird or awkward at all. It puts me in my little boy headspace, and it makes me feel safe and happy. I would say one of my happiest moments so far has been when I asked him, after already having an ice cream, "daddy, can I please have another ice cream?" He said yes, because I had been such a good boy helping him carry the shopping bags. It made me super-happy in a way only a kid can be, not just because I can have another ice cream, but also because daddy said I had been a good boy. It was such a great feeling, really.

Another great moment was with TSkinBoot, the morning his train left we went for a coffee shop. He offered to get me a coffee but I said I wanted hot chocolate. I told him "boys don't drink coffee, they drink hot chocolate!" "Aah, of course!" hehehe. Moments like that make boy-me very happy.

About two years ago I talked to a guy who was interested in being my daddy. He lived too far away for anything to work, but we still had nice talks and he had some ideas I liked. He wanted a boy to take care of and educate, just like he would a son. He would keep me in chastity, and spank or discipline me when I misbehave, but other than that there wouldn't be any BDSM in our relationship. I thought that was a very interesting offer, I felt he was a genuinely nice guy who just wanted a "son" to love. It's still one of those "what if?" scenarios in the back of my head: would I have been happy in a relationship like this, or would the lack of bondage (and other fun things) frustrate me? It's pretty pointless to think about it really, but it sure was an interesting offer.

That's all I have to say about it I think. This was a bit of a weird entry I guess - too many thoughts that have stayed in my head for too long. And it's much easier to write about horny things than emotional things. Anyway, next update I'll probably do some general blog talk.