chastity (or lack thereof)

Looking back on my blog, a lot of posts I made were about chastity devices. I haven't talked about anything related to that in quite some time.

The reason is fairly simple I guess. The last time I wore a chastity device was...well, I can't remember. A month or two ago, I think. And the last time I was in one for more than 2 days was probably in February.

It's not that it's no longer a turn-on for me; it still is, very much so, but I seem to have lost that self-control I had when I locked myself up for a month in February. I'm back to that vicious circle a lot of other men go through as well (at least I think so): I'm horny, so I put the device on. I get even more horny because I'm in the device, and later (could be an hour, could be 24 hours) I take off the device because I'm so desperate to cum. This happened a couple of times this year, so my chastity device is really more of a prolonged-masturbation device. I'm guessing this is the case with most men who buy one, especially single men.

So, what's next for me then? Well, I definitely don't see myself doing another self lock up period of a month or so. I still have mixed feelings about the last time I did that. Yeah it was interesting, but I wouldn't really call it fun. I have a lot of respect for guys for guys who lock themselves up for weeks or months (or years!) but I can't do that. There's a certain form of masochism in that which is a step too far for me. Not just that, but when I was locked up, my submissive feelings influenced my thought process and I did  and said some things I probably shouldn't have done/said. Or at least, things - kinky things - I wouldn't normally do. On the other hand, if I wasn't in that submissive mindset, maybe I wouldn't have made that final step to meet up with other masters.

If you'll allow me to dream a bit, I think the ideal situation for me would be having a master/partner/friend who takes control of my orgasms, but in this "and now you'll never cum again, bwa ha ha!" way I sometimes read about. No, he would allow me to cum, but when and how he wants to, and at least once a month or so. This would only feel 'real' to me if it's with someone I know and trust, and not a random internet person. So I'm not really looking for just a keyholder, I'd really like the complete package heh.

I would be up for being the (online or real-life) keyholder for someone else though, on their terms of course. I've already talked to some people about this, none of them took up my offer. One guy actually disappeared completely. Isn't it easier to just say "no, sorry, I won't do it"? Hmm. I guess a lot of people are unsure about taking the next step. Understandable.

I think my next update will comprise of complaining about the behavior of some people on sites like recon and such. I'm not sure it will make for interesting reading, but sometimes I just have to vent.