Nine degrees of submission

I found something called "9 degrees of submission" on Officer Wes' site (very interesting site, worth a (long!) visit). I'll copy them here and then give my own opinion. As an aside, this list actually comes from an article written by Diana Vera for "The Lesbian S&M safety manual" published in 1988!

1. The outright non-submissive masochist or kinky sensualist
Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up of control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms for the masochist's own pleasure (ie: being turned on solely or mainly by one's own bodily sensations, rather than being turned on by being "used" to gratify one's partner's sadism). 

2. Pseudo-submissive non-slave
Not into even playing "slave", but into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g.: schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, "forced" transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.

3. Pseudo-submissive PLAY slave
Likes to play at being slave. Likes to *feel* subservient; may in some cases like to *feel* that one is being "used" to gratify one's partner's sadism; and may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the "slave's" own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).

4. True submissive non-slave  
Really gives up control (though only temporarily and within agreed upon limits), but gets his/her main satisfaction from aspects of submission *other than* serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up of responsibility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seeks mainly her/his own *direct* pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).

5. True submissive PLAY slave
Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief "scenes" and within limits) and gets his/her main satisfaction from serving and being used by the dominant - but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. (May or may not be into pain, but if so, is turned on by pain *indirectly*, ie: enjoys being the objects of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive places few requirements or restrictions.)

6. Uncommitted short-term but more-than-play semi-slave
Really gives up control (though usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non-erotic as well as fun/ erotic services; but only when the "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have a long-term relationship with one's Mistress/Master, but, either way, the "slave" has the final say over when he or she will serve.

7. Part-time consensual but REAL slave
Has ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship, and regards oneself as the Mistress'/Master's "property" at all times. Wants to obey and please her/him in all aspects of life - practical/non-erotic as well as fun/erotic. Devotes most of one's time to other commitments (eg: job) but the Mistress/Master has first pick of the slave's free time. 

8. Full-time live-in consensual slave
Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/ himself as existing solely for the Mistress'/Master's use, pleasure and well- being. The slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially if the slave is male (since men certainly aren't socially pressured into this kind of lifestyle). Within the S/M world, a full-time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage. 

9. Consensual total slave with no limits
A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the "consent" is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely *anything* for your Mistress/ Master, with no limits at all. There are a few who claim to be no-limits slaves, but in all cases it would be reasonable to doubt the claim.

I think it's quite interesting. First of all, I have to say I don't like ranking aspects of sexuality, or putting them on a scale (like the oversimplified Kinsey scale). In my opinion, sexuality is something personal and has so many aspects to it, it's impossible to just put a number on it. Plus there's the difference between the mental part of sexuality (who you find attractive and what turns you on) and the physical part (what you actually like doing and being done to you). Some of these sexuality studies, rankings, scales etc. have the tendency to oversimplify everything to a ridiculous degree. 

BUT I did like this. I also learned the author didn't want us to interpret it in a very rigid way. With a scale like this though, it's easy to say 1 is bad and 9 is the best, and every sub should aspire to be a 9... which I don't agree with; everyone has their own needs. A couple where most of the kink play consists of over-the-knee spankings isn't inferior to a couple where the sub runs around in a gimp suit for 12 hours a day - it's just different.

I'm pretty sure a lot of doms will agree that there is a large group of "1"s out there. I've certainly met a couple during my career... I suppose they can be annoying - really all they want is a wank/get fucked in a kinky setting - but like I said above, in theory there's nothing wrong with that. The only bad thing about that category is that a lot of them go "ooh I want to be your slave Sir!.... but I want it to be like this, and then this must happen and also this and that". They're basically deceiving themselves and whoever they talk to. What they should say is "I just want to have some fun in a kinky environment, and while I fantasise about being a slave I know it would never work out in real life". With a little self-knowledge, disappointments on both sides can be avoided.

For myself, I float somewhere between 2 and 5 most of the time, depending on how horny I am, and mostly who I'm with!! I like this line a lot in particular on 4: "usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability and/or giving up on responsibility". I can recognise myself in that 100%. It's hard to describe how much suspense and vulnerability excite me. That, and (mild) humiliation are really the main pillars of the mental part of my BDSM experience. The best example of this was the first time I visited Sir, and had to undress in front of him in the living room. He touched me all over, commented on my chastity device, and made me spread my arse cheeks so he could take a lot at my hole. It was degrading, I felt very vulnerable and exposed, and I was anxious about what would happen next... but of course I loved it as well. 

Another example is the moment before I get caned; the anticipation of it is a bigger turn-on for me than the actual caning itself. Even knowing that Sir is enjoying my pain is more important than the actual pain. This is why I don't consider myself a true masochist; pain on its own might excite me (but I really have to be in the right mood), yet it will never be enough to make me cum. You could make me cum by telling me how and how much you will hurt me, but the actual hurting won't get that reaction from me. I suppose I'm more of a mental masochist than a physical one. If that makes any sense! 

My goal (with Sir) is to be somewhere between a 6 and 7, being owned by him, serving him, sexual and non-sexual, the best I can, but with him still respecting my limits. When I'm staying with him, it's not that hard, but long-distance, not so much. Going by the list, I think anything from 6 on is very hard to keep up from both sides in a long-distance relationship, unless the dom spends a considerate amount of his free time on controlling his sub. It's not impossible of course, I know there are people having this kind of relationship, but it wouldn't work for Sir and me.

Anyway, all of this is fun to talk about "in theory", but in real life everyone has their own priorities, limits and likes and dislikes. But I still think this was interesting enough to make a blog entry about it, as it helped me to describe some of my thoughts and feelings in a better way. Maybe some of my readers will find it useful as well :)