holiday

I'm going on a holiday for two weeks with my dad. I'll be in the French Alps if anyone needs me :)
I'll have access to wifi in the hotel lobby but probably won't be using it that much, and mostly for non-kinky things. If you need me (lol!) just leave a comment here, I'll see it in my inbox when I check my mails.

I'm still not really in a good place mentally, but it will probably improve soon. The trick to happiness (at least in my opinion) is to find the right balance between work and play, active hobbies and passive hobbies, social time and alone-time, etc. The balance between all these have been way off recently, and I'll try to get at least some of them right again this summer.
Also, one of my "summer resolutions" is to read more books, so feel free to recommend some (kinky or non-kinky, doesn't matter).

Still looking forward to London, but still not feeling 100% comfortable about everything heh. I don't know, it's hard to explain, but I still feel like I'm forcing myself onto people. And I'm thinking too much about what other people might think of me. I suppose I should focus on my own thoughts, and what I want.  I definitely want (or even need) to out my submissive feelings again. Just being at Sir J's feet will make me a happy boy again!! It's a simple thing but I just can't properly express how good that feels for me.

As for my usual monthly blog talk/links, I'll just leave you with The Dogcatcher's Pound.  Mostly a picture blog (but not a porn blog, these are real boys and not models/actors who are paid to perform/pretend on camera), but with some text updates as well. Scroll back a few pages, it's worth your time, I especially liked the updates of March this year :)

Well, I'll update again in a week or two I guess!

good days, bad days...

First of all, thanks for the nice reactions to my 'Skin' series. I didn't mention it in my last entry (and I had to tell my little brother again): it's fiction, it's not real and it hasn't happened to me. Well, a lot of things I describe have happened to me, but with different doms. So the order in which things happen isn't real, Thomas the skin isn't real, but most things that happen in part 2 have happened to me at some point. If that makes any sense. So, it's a fictional story based on true events, or something :)


Something more serious then. I've been having quite a few bad days recently. On a bad day, I question everything and everyone, especially myself. I have trouble accepting myself, and when people are nice to me, I feel like I'm going to let them down, or that I'm not good enough for them. I feel lonely, but at the same time very needy and starving for attention, so I keep annoying people by talking to them but not really saying anything special. It's like an evil smorgasbord of self-doubt, self-pity and attention seeking.

An example: a couple of days ago, I randomly remembered something that happened when I was with Sir J (something kinky, but I already forgot exactly what). I thought "was that really me? That's something I'd normally never do, why did I allow that to happen? And will that happen again next time?" I got scared, genuinely scared of my own kinky feelings. Which is silly of course, my kinky side is a part of me and will never go away - and I don't want it to go away! - but somehow I still have trouble accepting that sometimes. (Just to be clear, I really have no regrets or bad feelings about anything that happened when I was with Sir J, but since I did so many new things there, thinking back on it can sometimes overwhelm me a bit.)

Related to that: a couple of weeks ago I was joking with Sir J that my stay in London was one big trauma really. His reply (witty as always!) was that he knows a good psychatrist in London...his name is Mister Tawse. What we both said holds an element of truth I think. At the very least I suffered physical trauma - did you see those bruises on my ass?! But what he said also makes sense: being punished frequently helps me accept myself more, and it keeps me in a good mindset. I guess that's part of the reason I've been feeling a bit unhappy overall: I haven't had a session in a month, and due to circumstances I'll only get to do some kinky stuff once I'm in London (which is still 4 weeks away!) Poor me!!! Heh. TSkinBoot already promised me I would get punished for having negative thoughts, so that's at least something I can look forward to haha. I've been annoying him with my insecurities, so it's only right that he'll punish me. I know it'll make me feel better.

Today, I'm actually having a good day, and I'm really looking forward to London, meeting up with people, going out, etc. And I'm also feeling very fortunate that I have some really good kinky friends, who seem to have an easier time accepting me the way I am than I do myself! And I'm happy I made this blog, I really need to write down my thoughts sometimes, whether they are positive or negative.

And now that I've mentioned TSkinBoot - have you seen his latest entry/video? Jockboi is so cute, and he's really suffering in this hehe.
That's all for now!

Story: Skin part 2

Just another normal Thursday evening again. I suppose I should consider it normal, this is the third Thursday where I’m meeting up with...Sir, I guess (I don’t know his name, and I haven’t even asked him how I should properly address him). As he instructed, I’m wearing no underwear, and my chest and pubes are completely hairless. I even did his ‘homework’; which was licking and sucking a dildo every day. The first three days, I felt very silly. After that, I masturbated while doing that, obviously feeling stupid afterwards, but realising I truly did wish it was his cock in my mouth.

We arrive at ‘our’ spot, and spontaneously fall to my knees and start licking his boots.
“You’re very eager tonight....maybe it’s time to learn you some new tricks, boy”. He orders me to stand up and close my eyes. I hear something rattling and feel him putting something cold around my neck. He’s putting a chain around my neck, I can feel him closing the chain with a lock.
“Much better. Open your eyes boy, and follow me”. After a couple of minutes we arrived at his place.

“Now boy, there are a couple of rules when you are here. First of all, unless I order otherwise, you should be naked at all times. So, strip!” It wasn’t the first time someone gave me that command, and I’ve learned that being naked in front of a ‘stranger’ is something that turns me on but still find somewhat humiliating.
About a minute later, the only item on my body was the chain around my neck. He stood behind me and starting inspecting my body. He ran his hands over about every square inch of my body, from my head to my toes. He paid special attention to my nipples and balls, giving them a good squeeze now and then.

After a while he ordered me to bend over and spread my ass cheeks. He told me to hold that position, while he fetched some items. When he came back he asked me about how experienced I was anally. I said I wasn’t experienced at all. I could feel him putting some lube around my hole, and softly slid a finger inside. “That’s a very tight hole boy...” He went deeper and before long he was using two fingers to gently fuck me. I was embarrassed by this invasion, but my dick was rock hard. He noticed this and laughed. “Enjoying yourself boy? Good, this is only the very beginning of your anal training...” He removed his fingers and inserted a small butt plug. “You’ll be wearing that until you leave so you better get used to it!”

After putting away the gloves and lube, he lead me to his sofa and ordered me to kneel. He took off his jeans and sat down. “Here boy”, he pointed at his groin. When I started moving closer, he put one hand on my head and forced me into his groin. “Sniff it, boy, learn the smell of your master...” I took a few deep breaths, which also relaxed me a bit more. I started softly nudging his cock and balls with my nose, and I could feel he was getting harder and harder. He also stopped pushing my head down, and was just stroking my hair. I felt more and more relaxed, but still horny from the way he treated me, and I realised I really loved being in this position, me being close to his cock and smelling that manly scent of his.

I was just about to ask him if I could suck his cock, but he cut me off. “No, I know what you want, but it won’t happen now. Next time you can show off your cocksucking skills - or lack thereof (he smiled), today I just want to see you submit to me.” He let me sniff his groin for quite some time, but eventually my knees started hurting. Sir noticed this; “seeing as you liked being in that position so much, next time I’ll get you to wear knee pads. Now sit on the floor and relax boy!”  I tried to do that, but it wasn’t easy with that plug still inside me...

He went to the kitchen, I assumed he was getting us something to drink. I was right, but I was surprised (but then again not) when he appeared with a dog bowl and a small bottle of water. He put the bowl in the corner of the room and filled it. “Wait boy”. He went to the kitchen again and came back sipping a beer. “Okay boy, crawl over to the bowl if you want to drink”. I did as told, as I was quite thirsty already. I was aware of how silly I must’ve looked at  that point, naked, butt plugged, drinking from a dog bowl. It was humiliating and degrading, but I was feeling quite happy actually!

When I had my fill I returned to sofa - crawling of course, despite already having sore knees. I waited next to him on my knees and elbows. He had turned on the TV, and seemingly ignored me at first. I wondered if I had done anything wrong...he got up again and went into another room.
I was curious but kept my eyes down when he returned. “Lie down, face down, parallel with the sofa. Hands on your back”. When I was in that position he put some handcuffs on me. “Since you like sniffing things so much, and you’ve been a good boy so far, he’s a reward for you. This is the pair I use when I do sports.” He put a shoe in front of me and made sure I could smell the inside. It had a very strong scent but I really liked smelling it.

He sat in the sofa and continued watching tv, using my back as a footrest. Every so often he changed position, putting one foot on my neck, or tapping the plug. Me, I was enjoying being in a lovely headspace, I had no concept of time, no thoughts, no worries, just being there in the moment.

After Sir ‘woke me up’, so to speak, he released me from the handcuffs and took out the plug. He got me off the floor and gave me a big hug. He told me it was getting late, and that it’s time I should be going home. I let out a disappointed “oh...” which made him laugh. “Yes, I could tell you were enjoying yourself...it was good to see you relax after a while. I think we can build on this, so I would love to have you over again to train you, maybe for a whole weekend. Think about it and let me know. But before you go, I have 2 parting gifts for you.” He ordered me to lay over his lap, and I got a short but firm spanking. It would help me sleep, he said. Seriously? I was told to put on my clothes while he went to get my second gift.

He came back with a gray box that said “CB2000”. “It’s a chastity device”, he explained. Your homework for this week. I want you to experiment with it, find a configuration that is comfortable to wear but still secure. Next week your proper training will begin, now you just have to find a good fit. Next week, the key will be mine and mine alone, you understand?” I nodded and thanked him for the gift and for the whole evening. He unlocked the chain around my neck, and when he saw the disappointment on my face, he said “No boy, you can’t wear this full time just yet. But keep being a good boy and I just might collar you as my boy!”
When we were at the door, he stopped me and gave me a hug again. “By the way,” he whispered in my ear, “my name is Thomas. But you can keep calling me Sir, or Boss, or Master. I don’t mind that at all.” He smiled and let me out.

Seems like I spent 3 hours with him, even though it only felt like half an hour at most. I walked home with a smile on my face. And for the record, yes, I did sleep rather well that night.


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I hope you enjoyed that! I had so much trouble starting this, it took me about a week just to write the first 25%, but this evening I wrote the last 75% almost automatically. Weird how you can sometimes get "inspired" :)
I have (vague!) plans for part 3 (the weekend) and even a part 4 (meeting up with another boy), but that will be for July at the earliest.

Edit: the story continues in part 3-1, click here.

fetish week and cheeky boys!

I've been thinking of going to London Fetish Week for a while, especially knowing that TSkinBoot was likely going as well. When I found out he was going, I started looking at hotels to stay at. When I told Sir J I was going to book a hotel and would love to meet up with him that weekend, he (virtually) twisted my arm and said I have no choice but to stay with him. I'm annoyed with myself now because I feel like I'm taking advantage of him, you know, because his work schedule might clash with my 'entertainment' schedule, so it might happen that we only see each other a couple of hours a day. I'd feel very guilty about that, as there really wouldn't be any point in staying with him other than using his house as a cheap hotel. I really don't want that, so right now I'm not feeling good about it, even though I realise Sir J is doing this purely out of friendship for me. Ugh, I'm just being silly I guess.

I still have to work out a lot of things, only thing I'm 100% sure of so far is that I'll be in London the weekend of 13-14-15 July... everything else I'll have to talk about with different people. 
In any case, I don't really plan on doing that much at Fetish Week anyway. FetishBound on Friday for sure, and I think I'll visit at least one shop on Saturday (Expectations, Regulation, and/or RoB London), and that's about it.


I've been a little bit annoyed with my 'little brother' yesterday. First of all, he came ("it was an accident!" yes, it always is isn't it?), secondly because he was pushing me to get punished harder, and then became very hyper/cheeky/naughty with me.
More details: I gave him a fairly mild punishment for his little accident, explaining to him I didn't punish him hard because he would actually enjoy that, and true punishments shouldn't be enjoyed. So it was mild because I knew he would want more, but I would deny him that, and leave him with an unfulfilled feeling (think of it as mental edging). Well, he was very annoying and naughty afterwards. At one point I closed down the videochat we were having (I was busy, not related to him), and when he tried to come on cam again, I denied him, truly because I was annoyed at him, and I know he likes being on cam.
Ugh, what to do with a little brother like that? I should take him to the slave market and sell him hehe. He is a nice boy but a little bit too needy for me to be honest. So he needs a (very!) strict master who can give him the attention he needs.

A couple of days ago, I bought myself an early birthday present...a Cheeky Boy. I intended to buy a Naughty Boy, but the shop only had a Cheeky Boy and a Butt boy. I tried it, but was a bit impatient and not relaxed enough, and couldn't get it in fully. To be fair I haven't had any anal fun in over a month, so I should probably start with my small aneros again and move up to the Cheeky Boy later.

Last but certainly not least, thanks for all the nice comments about the skin story. I wasn't even sure about actually doing part 2, but now I'm very motivated!! I'll have to do some more masturbating brainstorming to get everything the way I want it to, but I'll probably be ready to publish it next weekend.

Story: skin part 1

There he was again. On my bus. Just like he was every Thursday evening. This skinhead. A few years younger than me. I wouldn’t call him attractive, but there was a je ne sais quoi about him. I couldn’t stop staring at him. It does help that I have a bit of a skinhead fetish. Their shaved head, their attitude, their clothes, their boots... I don’t know why that all turns me on so much, but it does.

I have a lot of fetishes actually. I’d say I’m a pretty boring guy by day, but a pervert by night. I’m very much into BDSM and have experience as a sub. I know a few doms who are always happy to tie me up and spank me. It doesn’t really happen that often, and as much as I hate to admit it, most of the time I’d rather stay home and masturbate. So even as a pervert, I’m boring.

Anyway, back to that skinhead. Like I said, I see him every Thursday evening on the bus, and I can’t take my eyes off him. My imagination ran wild, and when I got home, my tissues ran out. If you know what I mean. And afterwards I felt silly for even thinking about it. Until I saw him again. And so the cycle continued for a few months.

He always gets off a stop before mine. This time, he stayed on the bus. I got off, and in the corner of my eye I could see him get off as well. I didn’t think much of it at first, but I heard some footsteps behind me, heavy steps that could only be him.
“I’ve seen you staring at me...for many months now...you like what you see, don’t you?”
I turned around. “I’m sorry, I’m...”
“Keep walking.”
For some reason I did what he said. Part of me definitely wanted to run away, or even fight him, but on the other hand, wasn’t this exactly what I longed for all this time? He was giving me attention, I should be happy to spend any time with him at all.
“You have a profile on Recon, don’t you? And some other sites related to BDSM. Yeah, that’s you. You’re going to get a treat now, boy”.
Treat? What? Him saying all that made me even more nervous.
“Relax! I won’t hurt you. Trust me.” Huh, easier said than done. 
He lead me to a little pedestrian passage that leads up to a small park. I knew from experience that hardly anyone came here, even during the day, and people walking their dog would be quick to walk back from where they came from once they saw two figures in the darkness.

“Turn around”. His eyes were locked on to mine.
“Kneel”.
“Lick my boots”.
This was going too far. “But I...” - “You have a choice here. I’m willing to train you as my boi. The first step of that is to lick my boots. If you’re not interested, you can just walk away, no harm done. But I’m only offering you this choice once.”
I thought about it for two seconds. Then I bowed down and started licking his boots.
“Good boy”, he said after a minute or two. Those two words almost short-circuited my brain. Deep down, I was proud of being called a good boy. On the surface, I was embarrassed by being called a boy by someone who’s younger than me. Coupled with licking his boots, I was deeply humiliated, but strangely it gave me a sense of satisfaction as well. 
“That will be enough for now. Get up”. I was right in front of him, but I just could not look him in the eye. “Look at me boy”. It took an immense effort to comply. “Good. By next week, I want you to shave your groin, and if you have any hair on your chest or belly I want that gone too. Do you understand?” I nodded. “Yes...yes Sir”.
He smirked. “Good boy”, he said, then walked away.



Next Thursday, I saw him on the bus again, and my heart started beating faster. He completely ignored me, but I just couldn’t help staring at him, I hardly took my eyes off him during the entire bus ride.
We got off and went to “our” spot, him again walking two steps behind me. He didn’t speak at all until we got there. “You know what you have to do boy.” I fell to my knees and started licking his boots. He let me do it a lot longer than with our first meeting, and my tongue was getting tired after a while. I worked up quite a sweat as well. 
“Getting tired boy?”
“Yes Sir, sorry Sir...”
“Hmm...we’ll have to work on that. Your tongue is a muscle and it can be trained. A slutty boy like you no doubt has a toy collection with a dildo in it. I want you to train your tongue on that dildo...it’ll be good practice for later as well... Understand, boy?”
“Yes Sir.” I was quite aware of what he meant with ‘practice for later’.
“Now get up and face away from me.”

He held me close, one arm around my neck, and with the other hand under my shirt, moving it across my chest.I loved the way he was touching me. I let out a soft moan once he gave my nipples some more attention. “You ARE a slutty boy...” he whispered. I could feel his breath on my right ear.
His hands went down and I knew he would check if I had shaved my pubes as well. He also found my semi-erect cock...”Ha! Just as I thought...” I was embarrassed but couldn’t deny this was one of the horniest moments I ever had in my life. “I bet you masturbated thinking about our meeting didn’t you? Don’t answer that, I know you did. We’re going to fix that too...in time.” What did he mean by that? “Now run along home little boy...you have your homework. And keep your body smooth. Also, Thursday is ‘no underwear day’ from now on. Don’t forget that for next week. Oh and make sure you're free for the entire evening next Thursday. ” And with that he walked away, leaving me to dream (read: masturbate) about what would happen next week.


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That's all for part 1. This is all based on a true story you know! One day there was a skinhead on my bus home, and I just couldn't keep my eyes off him even though he wasn't very attractive or anything. So weird. Anyway, that is the main reason why I started writing this story. It's very soft for now but in part 2 the boy will really start his training heh.

Edit: you can find part 2 here.