after the session

A bit more on the previous session, and especially what happened after the session. I started writing this right after the session, but I've been having trouble finding the right words (and I got distracted), but I want to finish this before moving on to other stuff.

Like I said, I didn't cum this time, and when Master R untied me, we just stood there awkwardly hugging each other, him kissing me at times. I knew what he wanted; he was half-naked with his dick hanging out. I was playing dumb for some time, but ultimately decided to jerk him off. He lay back on the bed, eyes closed, and I made him cum. Yeah.

Something about that was just..."off" to me. I think it was a mistake to do this. I can't say I enjoyed it, which is weird because I usually quite like pleasuring other people. Don't know what it is, was I still too much wrapped up in my own "subspace", or was I just not in the mood for that kind of stuff?

Later, he made a comment about me not cumming during the session, and I blurted out "I'm here to get punished, not to cum". I might've well added "and not to make you cum", although that would've been a bit harsh. I've always been very clear that it's all about bdsm for me, and anything sexual is just an aside that isn't necessary for me. It can be nice of course, but this wasn't really nice for me. The best way I can describe it was that it felt like work. And that I had to do it as "payment" for a good session.
I actually haven't heard of him much in the past week, maybe he also realises something was off about the previous session. Nothing "wrong", but something different.

So has this changed my relationship with Master R? For now, I would say yes. It's not like I'll never go back to him, but there were already some things that were starting to annoy me. I really don't want to badmouth him, but he has a sort of narrow way of looking at bdsm and sexuality. For example, he doesn't believe in bisexuality at all, and thinks bdsm should always be "just a game". I feel like I'm more open-minded than him, and I know I can't talk about certain things with him because he has his own way of thinking that is pretty much opposite to mine. This doesn't matter when we're having a session, and I still consider him a friend, but nothing more.

In a way though, this has been a good thing. My mind's a lot clearer now when it comes to my relationship with him.