While that's obviously true, it certainly runs more deeper than that. Some "enlightened" people apparently can see beyond gender. I can't. A boy will always be a boy to me, and a girl will always be a girl (unless, of course, they're transgendered, but let's try to keep it simple now). I appreciate the male body, and I appreciate the female body. I think I love them both equally, but that doesn't mean I love them in the same way. I may be stating the obvious here for most people, but that fact is an important part of my sexual identity.
I think there are also 2 sorts of attraction one can have to a person: a pure sexual attraction, and a deeper attraction, the thing people call love. Again, these are 2 very different things for me - but still related of course. Like, I refuse to have sex with a person I don't feel any love for. Even if that sexual attraction is there, I know I wouldn't enjoy it. Some people might call this being childishly romantic, but again, it's an important part of my sexual identity.
For me there's also a clear difference between having a crush on someone and really falling in love with someone. I've had many "crushes", but I have to admit I only ever truly loved 2 people. And if you want to know the gender: I suppose I have more crushes on males, but those 2 were both girls.
Which brings me to the present and the future. I'm single now. Where do I go from here? I have no idea. I tried dating sites. Didn't like it. I don't go out much. If at all. And if I do, it's simply to gigs and music festivals, not "clubbing" or whatever. That's not my thing. So I guess I'm doomed to be alone, or at least until someone randomly crosses my (love) path. Do I prefer a girl or a guy? I don't mind either way. Although, since I've already been with a girl, I'd like to have an intimate relationship with a guy now. But it's not like I have much choice.
You know, sometimes I tell people I'm bi-asexual. But I have to say that in the past year or so, I can drop the "a". I really do feel the need to be close to someone. Sex, to me, isn't that important (which I why I don't like the word "bisexual" - something like bi-amourous or bi-romantic would suit me better). But I still need a partner in my life. I guess it's simply my biological clock - which is always running late really. If I had these feelings 10 years ago, it might've saved me a lot of loneliness. I really only started developing a sexual identity when I was 22 or something. And it's still evolving in a way.
This entry...didn't make much sense did it? I just wanted to get some random thoughts out of my head I guess.
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