Happy holidays

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Formspring question

You say that when you were in chastity "I did  and said some things I probably shouldn't have done/said".  That's the point of chastuty,guy.  It takes you into dark places.

That might be true, but I'm not sure I want to be taken into those dark places again. I'm a rational guy, and being taken over by emotions and desires I never before experienced is very scary to me. On the other hand, I'm still intrigued by long-term chastity, and I wonder how it would be like to be locked up for another month - or longer. It's one of those things I'm in two minds about, but for now and in the foreseeable future, I think I'm going to focus on the things I am 100% behind. I still have plenty of time to explore those dark places - when I'm ready.

Ask me anything

more complaining...

There were a couple of things I should've added to my previous entry, a comment by cotopaxi (one of the good guys I met through recon!) reminded me of them:

1)
him: nice profile, interested in meeting up?
me: well, what would you like to do with me?
him: (stuff I like) (stuff I'm not into)
me: okay, but I'm not into (stuff)
him: sure, no problem
me: okay, so when can we meet up? Where do you live?

...and that's where the conversation ends.

2)
him: nice profile, do you have a face pic?
me: *sends face pic*

...and that's where the conversation ends.
I hate this even more than the first type. I've even had this happen with a guy who sent me his face pic first. He wasn't the best looking guy on recon (and I'm being very mild here), but I didn't really care, I'm not a supermodel myself and it's not like I'm on that site to find a boyfriend or anything. So I thought "why not?" and sent him my picture. No reply.
The face pic thing only happens with younger guys (so far), and as much as I like complaining about all of this, it doesn't happen that often. Those weird short messages I talked about in my previous entry are much more common.

I read a lot of "no fat people" on some profiles. While it's fine to have a preferencial body type, it annoys me reading this. First of all, "fat" is such a broad term. When is someone actually fat? Are we going by the BMI guidelines? If so, how many points above the ideal weight can someone be before he's considered as "fat"? According to my BMI, I'm on my ideal weight. I've always been underweight, but in recent years I've built up some fat in my belly and hips. So now that I finally have my "ideal weight", I look fatter than I should be. Does that make sense to anyone? I'm just mentioning this because I think this pseudo-science and social conventions on the topic of weight are very, very stupid.
Also, if I was a master, I think I'd rather have a "fat" slave that's really responsive and into our game, than a supermodel who doesn't react to anything I do.
I could do a similar rant about age preferences - I probably look older than people my age, but probably act younger than normal people around my age (if that makes any sense). So, you know, things aren't as black and white as we sometimes want them to be.

Okay, rant over.

"hmm", or: communication in the internet age

Short update about something I've been thinking about in the past few weeks.

Here are some messages I got on recon/straypup in the past month or so...

message 1: "hmm..."

message 2: "bdsm"

message 3: "?"

message 4: "MMMM would love to whip you, MM hot body, MMMM"

So what am I supposed to reply to messages like these? It's like the first three think they have to pay per letter or something, and the last one...well, at least he wrote something, but I don't like the way how he wrote that. I can just picture him sitting behind his pc, one hand on the mouse, the other on his cock, looking on various bdsm profile site for new wanking material. I mean, I'm sure he's one of many, but still.

I've had thoughts of deleting my profile on sites like these, but then I would miss out on meeting nice people as well. Just now I've been talking with a dom from Egypt, he was quite nice, not like some "masters" who are all "I am your new master, now send me a picture, SLAVE!!!!" I think I talked about this before, but that's an instant block on my part. That Egyptian dom just couldn't get over the fact as to how "white" I actually am. That's funny because I recently saw some more pictures from that session with other slaves a couple of months ago, and I found my paleness to be quite unattractive really. Couple that with my distinctly average 'boy next door' body type/looks, I don't really understand how anyone bothers with me. I guess there's an audience for everything and everyone. And that's a good thing!

Anyway, this entry was supposed to be profile sites and such. Well, one master who keeps bothering me every few days about meeting up but then it always turns out he can't meet up anyway, suddenly disappeared from straypup. We had vague meet-up plans for this weekend, but he's nowhere to be seen. Very unusual. Oh well, since I'm too busy with uni stuff, I'll now have to tell him to stop bothering me until February at the earliest. Also, he made me 'recruit' another guy for a session. Response of that guy: "you're the nth guy asking me this." Ha! That master also conviently doesn't answer certain questions - my trust in him has gone down a bit recently. Had a very good first session with him, if not for that I would've told him to leave me alone a long time ago.

Also, I think I mentioned something about Bondissimo a couple of entries back. He's now contacted me on recon and invited me for a session. He doesn't live anywhere near me though, so it's not that easy to meet up, especially if I have to use public transport (3 trains in 2 countries!) But, looking at his videos, it'll probably be worth it. Also have to tell him it'll be in February at the earliest.

That's it for now. Don't expect many more entries in the next month and a half...

chastity (or lack thereof)

Looking back on my blog, a lot of posts I made were about chastity devices. I haven't talked about anything related to that in quite some time.

The reason is fairly simple I guess. The last time I wore a chastity device was...well, I can't remember. A month or two ago, I think. And the last time I was in one for more than 2 days was probably in February.

It's not that it's no longer a turn-on for me; it still is, very much so, but I seem to have lost that self-control I had when I locked myself up for a month in February. I'm back to that vicious circle a lot of other men go through as well (at least I think so): I'm horny, so I put the device on. I get even more horny because I'm in the device, and later (could be an hour, could be 24 hours) I take off the device because I'm so desperate to cum. This happened a couple of times this year, so my chastity device is really more of a prolonged-masturbation device. I'm guessing this is the case with most men who buy one, especially single men.

So, what's next for me then? Well, I definitely don't see myself doing another self lock up period of a month or so. I still have mixed feelings about the last time I did that. Yeah it was interesting, but I wouldn't really call it fun. I have a lot of respect for guys for guys who lock themselves up for weeks or months (or years!) but I can't do that. There's a certain form of masochism in that which is a step too far for me. Not just that, but when I was locked up, my submissive feelings influenced my thought process and I did  and said some things I probably shouldn't have done/said. Or at least, things - kinky things - I wouldn't normally do. On the other hand, if I wasn't in that submissive mindset, maybe I wouldn't have made that final step to meet up with other masters.

If you'll allow me to dream a bit, I think the ideal situation for me would be having a master/partner/friend who takes control of my orgasms, but in this "and now you'll never cum again, bwa ha ha!" way I sometimes read about. No, he would allow me to cum, but when and how he wants to, and at least once a month or so. This would only feel 'real' to me if it's with someone I know and trust, and not a random internet person. So I'm not really looking for just a keyholder, I'd really like the complete package heh.

I would be up for being the (online or real-life) keyholder for someone else though, on their terms of course. I've already talked to some people about this, none of them took up my offer. One guy actually disappeared completely. Isn't it easier to just say "no, sorry, I won't do it"? Hmm. I guess a lot of people are unsure about taking the next step. Understandable.

I think my next update will comprise of complaining about the behavior of some people on sites like recon and such. I'm not sure it will make for interesting reading, but sometimes I just have to vent.