emotion

Something I probably should say before I continue (and probably should've said at the start of this blog): English isn't my native language, so I'm not always able to express myself properly. I'm also an INTP, which means, among other things, that I have great difficulty talking about my emotions. I think it's also an excuse for my boring writing style heh. Yeah I stick to the facts too much, but I don't know any better.

Anyway...

I've been thinking about what a "friend" on xtube asked me. He wanted me to make a video of me masturbating. I've been thinking about doing that for some time now, but I just...can't. And I can't really give a rational explanation for it. If I use the argument that it's too intimate, then someone can easily counter that by saying "but you have pics on the net of you with a dildo in your ass!" It's true, but I'd still say a video is something more than just a picture. After thinking about this some more, I actually took down some "sexy" pics of me on flickr. They were just not very...me, I guess. I mean, no-one can see my face or anything, and it's not like I have an internet-reputation to protect. It just didn't feel right. This and several other of my (in)actions concerning me and my sexuality made me realise I'm probably more of a prude than I would admit. Then again, I still write this blog, which has very, very intimate information about me. Okay, it's pretty much anonymous, but still.

(the above is actually a good example of INTP-ness: arguing with oneself over something that's pretty insignificant, and trying to apply logic to an emotional "problem".)

I'll try not to do updates like this too much, but sometimes I just need to write down my thoughts. That's what a blog is for, right? Although if anyone else is reading this, I'm sorry for wasting your time heh.