not an addict

As expected, I am having second thoughts about those pictures I took a few days ago. But not of that one on here. I mean, in the unlikely situation that someone I know in real life finds out about all this, and confronts me with it, I'd feel more ashamed about what I write here (especially my fantasies), rather than just a nude picture of me. If someone came up to me and said "hey, I saw a naked pic of you on the internet", I'd just ask them if they liked it. If they said "hey, I read your blog and now I know you like sticking things up your ass and have some extreme fantasies", I wouldn't really know what to say, and I think I would be genuinely embarrassed and ashamed. Unless, of course, that person actually liked what he or she read heh.

If you'll allow me to rant on for a little - I still don't get society's negative view on nudity in general. A naked body is one of the most natural and beautiful things there is. Why be so obsessed with hiding your natural beauty? People are all "omg perverts" and "won't anyone think of the children??" and all that crap. Why? I don't get it. The only 2 things I can think of is 1) people automatically associate nudity with sex, and 2) western/christian/catholic modesty. I was raised a catholic, and we were basically taught that our own body is our enemy, an instrument of sin, not something that you should like or enjoy. It took me many years to get rid of this catholic indoctrination (yes, it really was -and still is- a socially acceptable form of brainwashing people, especially kids, who have no mental defence against such things), and, as I'm actually writing this - I still 'suffer' from it in some ways. I don't want to make this an anti-relgion rant (too late?), but surely certain religious values shouldn't have such a big influence on society as a whole. If wanting the whole world to be more open about nudity and sex, then by (insert your god), I AM a pervert!!


Actually I did something "perverted" two night ago. I was still wearing my cb6000. Put in my aneros as well. And went to sleep. And I did sleep. I had something up my ass for about 8 hours straight. Didn't hurt one bit. Perinium tab was slightly uncomfortable when I woke up, but it didn't hurt. Whole thing felt good. My penis locked up, my ass plugged. It...felt good, what else can I say? I would've never done this if I wasn't locked up in my cb6000, I would've just jerked off, got the aneros out, and went to bed. I'm happy I did it, but I'm not sure if I would do it again soon. I'm really getting addicted to my aneros, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. An addiction is okay as long as it's not harmful, right? I'm also going on a vacation for two weeks soon. I'm not sure if I want to take it along, but I probably will.

exposed

Following up on my last post, I had a really nice masturbation/aneros session. When I've been locked up in my cb6000 for a few days, my fantasies usually turn a little more extreme. This time, it was a lot more extreme. Still, I liked the "story" I made up around it. It involved me entering a chastity contract for 10 years, and having genital piercings to ensure my chastity. The couple putting me into chastity weren't my master and mistress or anything, they were simply my keyholders. Then later in the story I meet a mistress who "buys" my chastity contract, and trains me to be her slave. Including very extreme things (well, stuff like permanent collar, piercings, tattoos, branding). A lot of things I would never do/allow to be done to me in real life. That's why they call it fantasy, right? But I liked the story, I might write it down in full someday. I think my fantasy began when I saw a picture of a guy with a prince albert, and it was such a beautiful piercing and just the right size of jewelry. I always said I would never get any kind of genital piercing, but now I'm not too sure anymore.


Last night, I was having an extremely good aneros session. I was very horny, again thinking about that story and some other fantasies. But after a while, I just stopped, put on my cb6000 and went to bed. I wanted to orgasm, but then I also knew I'd lose that wonderful horny feeling I had. I was pretty tired as well so I did manage to get to sleep. Next morning I didn't feel that horny, but as the day went on, it definitely got worse. Or better, really.

First thing I did was something I planned to do a long time ago: taking some "sexy" pictures of myself. I was inspired by a whole bunch of pictures I saw on flickr, and decided to do my own take on it. At first it didn't quite work out (and I'm sure one of my neighbours saw me parading around the house in my speedos, holding a camera and taking pictures of myself. Embarrassing. And not in a sexy way). Later I was able to take some good ones though. I'd love to do some more, and preferably outside ones, but my garden is far too visible for that (I live in a residential area with houses and small appartment blocks, the people living above the first floor can definitely see me - not to mention the downstairs neighbour, who can see the garden from his living room!). There are other possibilities (nudist beach nearby), but then I'll need someone to take the pictures for me. Being single sucks, yeah.

Anyway, there was a picture I was particularly proud of. I always take several pictures of one setting, but this time, the first picture was immediately the best one. Behold:



Yes that's me. Hi. Like I said on flickr, I don't consider myself very pretty or sexy or anything, and usually I can't stand seeing pictures that have my face. But this one...I like. Yes, I expect comments like "why aren't you smiling?" and stuff, but I don't really like my smile. Anyway, I think I like it because of the vulnerability and simplicity of the shot. It's a very natural situation. It's not porn or anything extreme. Just a guy, sitting on a toilet. Yeah.
At first I was going to hold my hand up towards the camera in a "no pictures!" kinda way, and I did take a few shots like that, but this felt so much better. You know at first I didn't even notice that you could see my penis! Really, it wasn't even my intention to show it, it just happened. Really!
In some ways it is a failed photo - can't see the top of my head, nor my feet, but that's really more due to the bathroom being so damn small. And yes, the bathroom is ugly. And I could lose some weight around my belly.

I also don't know how much longer I'll keep that picture here - tomorrow I might completely change opinion about all this. Right now I actually feel...liberated having a picture like that out there. I'm a closet nudist for sure, but I change opinion all the time about showing myself to people like this.

Wow, I talked far too much about that. Good thing no-one reads this...right?

all play

Again, it's been a while since my last update. I have added a few people on my reading list in the meantime. It works both encouraging and discouraging. On one hand it gives me stuff to think about, on the other, the things I usually talk about just seem so boring, and I'm just not that good a writer (although, considering english isn't my first langauge, I think it's not all that bad).
Then sometimes I think of never writing anything again, but I realise I sometimes need to let out certain things, and a blog certainly seems to be a quick and easy way for that. Besides, it's not like I'm forcing anyone to read it, right?

I haven't been doing that much kinky stuff in recent weeks. I'm still using my aneros at least once a week, usually more. I still love it, but I'm definitely considering buying another one. I just don't know if I should get a smaller one (the SGX) or a larger one (the Progasm). The easy answer is both, but my bank account wouldn't agree with that.
I'll also need to buy some more lubricant soon; I bought a big bottle last year, and thanks to using the aneros so much, it's almost empty. Might as well buy a new toy to go along with it, right?

In the past few weeks, I masturbated almost every night, just before going to bed. That's nothing new really, it's pretty much a habit (ever since I first started masturbating), and a "nightcap" of sorts. I usually fall asleep within 10 minutes of coming. I don't always do it, and try to stop myself from doing it by reading a book just before going to bed (which also helps me get to sleep faster). I still do it about 4 nights of the week though, at least.

2 days ago, I was feeling horny, started watching porn, read some stuff on altarboy's site, and came very close to orgasming. But what did I do instead? I closed the pc, went to my room, got out the cb6000 and put it on. Anyone see the logic in this? I think it was a way of punishing myself for masturbating so much (well, 4-5 times a week probably isn't that much for a man without partner, but still). Reason aside, I'm staying locked up until sunday evening, maybe even monday evening. And unlike last time, no edging either. No contact with my penis whatsoever (and can you believe it, just as I'm typing this I get an erection. Down boy, down!). I am going to do an aneros session later today, it's much easier to focus on the anal pleasure when my penis isn't in the way.

Oh yeah, there's also this:


Ordered this a month or two ago. The SLRN is the number I have on The Slave Register. Yeah that might look a bit silly to some, but I always had an obsession with dogtags (and barcodes as well, actually), so I quite like it.

Okay, that's it for now.