2013/1014

Well it's the end of the year, time to look back and look forward!

2013 was definitely a year of two halves; one before mid-july and one after. In the first 7 months of the year I was able to do 4 trips to London, each of them fun, unique and with new experiences.
February visit: first taste of the rigid irons, having Sir and Boss (Tskinboot) together was a lot of fun, meeting Sir's big bro, and losing my virginity :O
March visit: doing the Underground club trifecta (Spankz, FetishBound and Collared), briefly having a slave brother, being beaten hard!
May visit: forced haircut and being pissed on right after (one of the best scenes ever for me), rope suspension by Tskin at FetishBound, more traumatising humiliation play!
July: bondage weekend with Bondisimo, being very very horny, and feeling like I'm part of a family.

After that, not much happened when it came to kink. It's part laziness, part thinking "but it won't be the same without Sir or the friends I already know", and part not having a lot a self-confidence, thinking I'm not good enough, etc., which only got worse as time went on. It's a lot of little things about myself that annoy me, and obviously the best way to counter this is to meet new people and realise it's mostly in my head, but... I just couldn't do that.

So I guess I have something to work on in 2014; feeling more confident and meeting new people. Funny (or tragic) is that I wrote the same thing in my 2012/2013 entry. Quite honestly though, I have other priorities for next year which are more important than play. There's still plenty of things I want to do and people I want to meet, but it can't be all play!

As for the blog, there's been a noticeable drop in readers the past few months but that's only normal since I didn't have many experiences (or pics) to share. Just like every year there have been instances where I thought "oh what's the point anyway" but the blog is still here and staying here, even if there might not be a lot of updates coming.

Lastly, a big thank you to my friends for being my friends :)

Secretary (movie review)

I assume most people have seen this movie by now, if not, go see it now and come back when you're done! Spoilers and all that.

I saw this movie about a year after it came out I think, so at that time I knew I was into BDSM, but had no real life experience. I was turned on about some aspects in this, but I only understood some things when I saw it again and read more about actual BDSM relationships rather than just wank material heh.

I saw it many more times since then, and I did so again this week, as I thought it would be interesting to talk about on this blog.

First of all I would like to talk about some of the problems of the movie, or rather how people seem to misunderstand it. I've read some comments from people who think the main characters are in an abusive relationship. I'll talk about that more later. Secondly, there's the criticism that Lee is "crazy" and therefor BDSM is only for crazy people. Well, we could have a long discussion about what "crazy" really means - she had psychological problems and needed help. When you know that 1 in 6 people in the US suffer from depression at some point in their lives, being "crazy" suddenly seems pretty normal. And most of us have our own demons to fight in our head.

Quite honestly, I find Mr. Grey to be just as "damaged", if not more so, than Lee. He's neurotic, asocial (count the number of people he talks to outside of work - I found 1, when he asks for his laundry), avoidant (hiding - in the closet! - for his ex-wife), and as the movie progresses, you can tell he's far more troubled with his own sexuality and feelings than Lee. Lee basically unlocked his sexuality and made him accept himself, something all the other secretaries (and one wife) failed to do. So, where's the abuse in this again? Though I have to admit, the first time he spanks Lee, is a bit... wrong. She didn't give him her consent for that first spanking. I mean, the fact that she stayed there and did what he said is a form of consent, but that very first time he hits her...no. That's a tricky situation when you're trying to explain consent is one of the pillars of BDSM. And leaving Lee at that desk for 3 days is cruel, I say he should have stopped after he saw her pick up the phone with her mouth!

Also, I somewhat feel sorry for Peter. I think he genuinely cared for her a great deal, but he showed that in a very pushy way. I can understand him of course, he's no prize catch himself, and Lee (at least at the start of the movie) is in his league. Though in the end we know he can't give her what she wants, it's still kind of sad that he ends up alone.

The sweetest parts of the movie are at the end. When she's at the desk, people drop by with positive and negative comments. The feminist was easily the worst, no? People don't understand that submission isn't a sign of weakness, it takes strength to submit. I loved what her dad said though: "You are the child of God's holy gift of life. You come from me. But you are not me. Your soul and your body are your own, and yours to do with as you wish." I thought that was a very unexpected turn of events; her dad obviously caused her a lot of emotional pain, but he did care about her. The psychiatrist also said some good things, like "who's to say that love needs to be soft and gentle?"
Another good quote was from Peter when he notices she doesn't want to remove her hands from the desk. Peter: "Is this something sexual?" Lee: "Does this look sexual to you?"
Also loved the ending of course, Lee saying she felt pretty for the first time in her life, the way Mr. Grey bathed her and practically worshipped her... their little honeymoon was nice as well hehe.

As a frequent visitor to IMdB, I was surprised the message board for this movie were quite reasonable. Like this one and that one. It has some things I'm trying to say here, but better!

I think that's all I have to say about it...

No wait. What's wrong with being tied to a burning stove while having tomatoes thrown at you?